


A Storm is Coming

by AloneShadow



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bittersweet Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Crew as Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epic Friendship, Everything Hurts, Friendship, Gods, Good versus Evil, Hurt Bones, Hurt James T. Kirk, Implied/Referenced Character Death, It sounds worse than it is?, James Kirk didn't ask for this, Memory Loss, Mentioned harm to children, Missions Gone Wrong, No love relationship but bromance if you really want, Protective James T. Kirk, Sad Ending, The Author Regrets Everything, Trauma&Recovery, Trying to look at the bright side here, Why Did I Write This?, and me either, angst and pain like woah, but it just happened, send help, there's hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-02-16 00:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18680632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AloneShadow/pseuds/AloneShadow
Summary: The Enterprise's crew would have run out of luck, one day or another.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the two Star Trek fics I left abandoned last year. I don't usually write stories with a bad ending (despite the classic good ending-cliché, most of the time a sad ending just leave me empty inside, staring into the void wondering why gawd WHY), but this plot was all set and ready from the very beginning, so- it's here.  
> I have used the _Major Character Death_ WARNING for a reason, so CHECK the TAGS if you don't want to stare into the void with me.  
> The fic should be around 5, 6 chapters max, I think. Is mostly ready, just putting the pieces together as smooth as possible. 
> 
>  
> 
> *Note*  
>  _Long pieces in this font are flashbacks_.

_Leonard McCoy was just entering the elevator when the Enterprise wobbled a little. He held the glass in his hand more tightly and waited for the doors to close. “Still waiting for this ship to crack in two… It’s just a matter a time.” He murmured to himself as he reached the bridge: he found Uhura deeply focused on listening who knows what transmissions, as only half of the usual members occupying the bridge were at their seats- including the Captain, of course._

_“…Yes, that would very appreciate it. Thanks, Spock.” James Kirk finished saying in the intercom, before taking a deep breath and passing a hand over his forehead._

_“He can give you a headache even via com, I know.” The Doctor said standing next to the chair._

_“Bones. Please tell me that is for me.”_

_“It’s for you.” He nodded handing him the glass._

_“Thank you.”_

_Leonard watched him drinking everything in one gulp. “Are you sure it’s just headache?” he asked checking his pulse._

_“Yeah... The last days have been busy.” Jim said, not even trying to get his arm back, waiting for him to finish. Looking up, he saw him narrowing his eyes._

_“Are you sleeping fine?”_

_“I am. Most of the nights,” he added as Leonard’s look became more serious. “I’m just a bit worried about the mission, like the rest of us. Aside Spock. He doesn’t seem to care much…”_

_“We just have to drop some medicines. It doesn’t look that difficult to me.”_

_“I know. It’s just… Those people haven’t seen people of the Federations in years. Spock is taking care of most of the terms about our landing because, apparently, they aren’t very friendly.”_

_“Aren’t we used to not friendly aliens?”_

_“We are, but they seem to hate humans in particular.”_

_Leonard sighed, crossing his arms, looking out the large windows. “I’m not even surprised anymore.”_

_“Don’t get me wrong, I have talked to them already- briefly, but they are grateful for our help. It’s just…”_

_“What? Your sixth sense again?”_

_Jim took a deep breath, fingers tapping on the armrest. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m worrying too much.”_

_“As long as Spock isn’t worried, I think none of us needs to.”_

_“Good point.” Jim giggled a bit, looking up at him. “What about you? Everything’s aright?”_

_“I guess. No one is dying.”_

_“That’s good to know.”_

_“Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me. Try not to stress yourself over nothing, ok?” Leonard said taking back the glass before leaving._

_“I’ll try. Thank you, Bones.”_

_Once back downstairs, Leonard found Spock waiting just outside the elevator. “Mr. Spock.”_

_“Doctor.” The Vulcan greeted him holding a folder against the chest._

_“The negotiations are going well?”_

_“Negotiations?”_

_“Jim told me you will be our mediator during our mission.”_

_Spock blinked twice. “The people of Rime-73 might not be very inclined to friendship humankind, but I can assure you they do not see us as their enemies.”_

_“They’re going to see Jim then?”_

_“Of course. I have just arranged a meeting with their leaders. They are grateful for our service.”_

_Leonard nodded slowly. “Just out of curiosity, there is a particular reason why they hate humans?”_

_“That wasn’t a question I bothered to ask since it might cause misunderstanding.”_

_“No, I mean- there’s any record about it? There was some war or…?”_

_“It doesn’t appear to be any significant accident on that regard. They are deeply devoted to their Gods. That’s the more recurrent information I have found in our database.”_

_Leonard nodded again, “Something we have to worry about?”_

_“I don’t think I understand your question, Doctor?”_

_“Sorry... Nevermind. I won’t waste any more of your time.” Leonard moved aside as the Vulcan nodded and entered the elevator. When the doors closed, the doctor sighed, scratching the back of his neck, “Creepy cults is the last thing I need to think about right now…” he sighed, walking back to med-bay and into his office, crashing on the chair and closing his eyes for a while._

**\- * -**

Leonard woke up hearing the sweet, short _ping_ from his phone.

 _She’s already asking when you’re coming back. Call when you get there, ok? So we all will be able to sleep tonight. Love you xxx_

He smiled tenderly reading the message, picturing Joanna jumping around the house asking about her dad, and her poor mom repeating once again that he was going to come back soon… An adorable little girl of nine-years-old able to get all the energy out of both her parents in less than a minute- and her dad couldn’t have been more proud.

The airplane jumped up and Leonard grabbed hard on the armrest, his breathing stopping for a second. Looking out the little window, he could see a storm moving closer to the city. _I’m gonna die on this thing_ , he told himself, refusing to look outside again until the landing. 

A medical convention was not how Leonard wanted to spend his rare vacations but Gerald, the director of the hospital where he was working, basically begged him to go, since no one was able to, and that alone convinced him to accept. That, and the plane and hotel paid for him for three days. He had only half of a day to prepare, and there was no way to get to San Francisco in time with a car or the train… He was lucky enough to find a ticket for a plane that afternoon.

Ten minutes later, he finally arrived at the San Francisco’s airport, and Leonard gladly left that terrifying vehicle, found a taxi and got to the hotel where the convention was going to take place right when it started raining heavily. 

The traffic was intense in the evening; the Christmas’ lights shining and reflecting on the streets and from inside the shops, along with millions of places and ways to celebrate the end of the year 2017. 

_It will be Christmas in a week… Time really flies._ Leonard found himself thinking about his own house, fully decorated, missing the smell of hot chocolate Joanna used to share with him when it was too cold and the tea wasn’t enough. Tea for her, coffee for her dad, that is. 

“Here we are, mister,” the driver said while stopping in front of the Enterprise Hotel. “Need a hand with the bag?” 

“No, I’m fine. Thank you,” Leonard said while paying, leaving the warmth of the taxi just to meet pouring rain and cold air outside, dragging his bag along, quickly heading to the entrance. 

The inside of the hotel was incredibly fancy, with high ceilings where elegant chandeliers were hanging; the hall was a large space with a giant Christmas tree standing next to the staircase, with the banisters also fully decorated for the festivities. All the lights were reflecting on the gray, marble floor, shining between black or white streaks. Leonard was hypnotized by all that until he saw a woman at the reception smiling politely at him- the universal smile for _Can I help you, or are you in the wrong place?_

“Welcome to the Enterprise Hotel. How can I help you?” She asked, trained to keep that smile on as long as needed.

“Uh- Hi. Yes- I’m here for the convention. There should be a room reserved… McCoy?” 

She checked the computer and only then her smile became more sincere. “Doctor Leonard McCoy?” 

“Yep. I mean, yes. That’s me.” He sighed. _Joanna is infecting me with her language…_

“Of course. Your room is the 1701. Fifth floor, on the right.” She grabbed the key and placed it on the desk, giving another smile. “If you need anything, please, don’t hesitate to call. I hope you will enjoy your stay.” 

“I’m sure I will…” he nodded with an light grin before heading to the elevators, but stopped as he noticed a cardboard about the convention and decided to take a look at the program for the next day: the meeting would have been from 9 AM to 11 PM; lunch break and then another three hours. Same schedule for the second day, with more guest participating. 

“I hope there’s gonna be free drinks too…” Leonard murmured entering the elevator, getting lost in his thoughts for a few minutes, with soft, jazz music making him company until he reached the fifth floor. Once in his room, he wasn’t surprised to see that it was as fancy as the rest of the hotel, if not more.

Closing the door with a foot, he studied the large living room facing the city; the bedroom and the bathroom on the right. Dropping the bags on the floor, he stretched his back before crashing on the bed, taking a long breath, smelling- lavender, maybe? 

_Need to keep the crew updated,_ he told himself and grabbed the phone from inside his jacket, but opting for a message: _Hey honey, just got to the hotel safe and sound, but dead tired. I’ll call you tomorrow morning first thing. Kiss Jo for me. Love you._

Leonard dropped the phone on the bed and closed his eyes, jumping when it suddenly rang next to his ear. Sadly, instead of _Home_ , he found the name of one of his collogues. “Hey Sam...” he half-growled, trying to stay awake. “Yeah, I just... Oh... No, I didn’t know. Yeah, I’ll be downstairs in a minute,” he said and closed the call dropping his face against the mattress with a groan. 

 

As expected, Leonard wasn’t the only one too tired to enjoy dinner and chats with other people: most of the guests sitting at the long tables got there late, and they just wanted to shake some hands and go back to their rooms, preparing for the next two, intense days. 

It was 11 PM when Leonard decided it was time to call it a day and left the room and its low chatting behind himself. Making his way back to the elevator, loosening his tie, he stared at his own reflection on the metal door: after all that time, he still didn't like dressing so formal, but he knew for a fact that his wife loved it… She always gave him _that smile_ when there was an important meeting and Doctor McCoy needed to look presentable. 

_These are going to be two very long days,_ Leonard sighed passing a hand over his eyes before getting out of the elevator, noticing a couple exiting the little bar still open on that floor. Tempted to get a drink, he just sighed and entered his room, throwing the dark-blue jacket on the couch, keeping the loose tie around his neck… Joanna bought that one, and she had good taste: Leonard loved that color, an intense bordeaux that he never thought about wearing before. 

The sound of police’s sirens echoed from outside and he turned to the window, noticing few police cars passing at full speed in front of the hotel’s gates. 

“Big city life, uh?” Leonard snorted tiredly and closed the curtains, going straight to the bed where he collapsed, hopefully, for the last time that night. Turning to the television on, he randomly clicked on the remote until a woman dressed in red appeared on the screen giving the news. 

Leonard put the audio on mute, watching for a while before falling asleep. 

 

Some banging woke him up for his deserved rest. 

Leonard opened his eyes, laying still for a moment, trying to remember where and who he was… Then, another bang- a door smashing closed.

He pushed himself up on his side with a tired groan, the light coming from the television still illuminating the room. Waiting for a moment, there was just silence. 

“Give me a break…” Leonard cried, laying down again- but his sleep was long gone. Checking the hour, he sighed again: 2 AM. “Damn it,” he hissed moving to the minibar but none of those drinks would have helped him fall asleep fast enough. 

“There was a bar…” He said to himself, considering the idea for a moment before grabbing the jacket, just to keep it in hand while leaving the room. The corridor was silent, and he slowly walked through it until he was in front of the glass door of the bar: the few lights still on in there looked comfortable- and the place was empty, even if the TV was on. “Hello?” he called once inside, stopping in front of the counter, looking left and right, “Anyone’s here?” he tried again but got no answer. His shoulders dropped as he waited another moment before opting for a quick break to the toilet- maybe someone would have come back in the meanwhile. 

Washing his hands, Leonard kept his eyes on his tie, wishing to be already back at home. Leaving the bathroom, he found the bar as empty as before. “Definitely not my lucky day…” he murmured. Staring at the bottles behind the counter, he almost decided to prepare a drink by himself, but then just sighed and headed to the exit- that he found closed. 

“Are you kidding me...?” he murmured pushing harder, but the door didn’t budge. “It can't be… Hey!” punching on it didn’t help, since no one seemed to be around. 

Leonard groaned and put both hands on his face, too tired to even get angry. Shaking his head in disbelief, he looked around the bar. _If someone came to close the bar, they saw the place was still running… They should come back and turn everything off._ He told himself, then heard someone running outside and he jumped against the glass, “Hey- hey wait!” 

After a second, a young man appeared on the other side, surprised, “Sir, are you alright?” 

“Yes, but you locked me in here. Can you open the door?” 

The man turned the handle, but it didn’t move. “I’m sorry, it wasn’t me. I don’t have the key to this floor.” 

“Can you get them and let me out?” 

“For now it would be safer for you to stay where you are.” 

It was Leonard’s turn to look confused. “What you mean? Something happened?” 

“You haven’t heard the news?” 

“It’s 2 in the morning. I was just trying to sleep.” 

The man sighed, nervously looking left and right. “There was an accident few blocks away. A shooting, it seems.” 

“A shooting?” Leonard repeated, remembering the police cars he saw before. 

“Yes. The police are securing the whole area around the hotel….” 

“You mean the culprit could hide in here?” 

“I doubt it. Our security agents have been alerted immediately and they are patrolling all the entrances. We’re perfectly safe, but I have to ask you to stay here until the emergency will be over.” 

They both knew Leonard could have just refused to, but the poor man looked stressed enough already- and pleading with his eyes to do as he was asking. Leonard sighed and nodded “Alright… Fine. Can I get myself a drink, at least?” 

The man smiled, relieved. “Of course. Thanks for your cooperation. I’ll warn the director right away. May I ask your name and room?” 

“Leonard McCoy, room 1701… It’s- right there.” He sighed gesturing outside. 

“I’ll send someone to get you out as soon as possible.” He said and walked away. 

Leonard took a deep breath and turned around: the bar was like one of those he was in some old movies, and he couldn't deny being allowed to explore and drink everything he wanted wasn't that bad. “I can’t believe this is really happening...” He commented studying the shelf filled with bottles. He then left the jacket on one of the stools and walked on the other side of the bar- a thing he always dreamed to do. 

His father was the real expert about alcohol, but Leonard could remember few names he used to suggest. After a few minutes, he was sitting on top of the counter, drink in hand, enjoying the temporary feeling of owning the whole place. “I should open a bar.” He stated to no one in particular, and snorted a laugh, shaking his head as emptying the glass.  
Turning to the TV on the wall, he started checking for the remote. 

Leonard skipped from a channel to another until he found the news and reality actually hit: the shooting took place in a building not too far- he could remember seeing that area from inside the taxi- and the reporter was saying there were at least ten injuries and one man was dead… The killer was still on the run, and the doctor started wondering if it was really safer for him being locked in there. 

Looking away from the screen, he noticed a phone on the wall close to the door, and wondered if he should have called his family…

“Where’s my phone…?” Patting his trousers pockets, he then remembered leaving it on the bed. “In my room, of course...” he sighed while checking the jacket anyway before wearing it- and he found something else: the colorful plasters Joanna loved so much, the one with stars and planets on it. Smiling, and wondering when and how she put them in there, Leonard jumped down the counter to use the bar’s phone and call his family, but a noise, like something crashing, made him stop and turn around. The sound came from a room on the back, next to the toilets.

Leonard swallowed, not sure of what to do. There was just one entrance to the bar, and it was still locked. Moving carefully around the counter, all he found to defend himself was a broom. _Better than nothing_ , he thought and slowly grabbed the handle, turning it and opening the door: the room was completely in the dark, with shelves full of foods and more bottle- one was on the floor, in pieces, the strong smell of beer hitting the doctor a second later. Breathing out in relief, a stepped inside, crouching to move the bigger pieces of glass away- and then he noticed a foot poking against his left shoulder... There was a leg passing through the shelf. 

“HOLY SHI-“ Leonard jumped back realizing there was actually someone behind there- all he could see was half of a body in that darkness. Quickly standing and turning the lights on, he then moved around the shelf, finding a man lying under so many boxes he was barely visible. “Jesus… Hey- you ok?” 

A groan and then a hand emerged from under the boxes, blindly searching for support, but grabbing the shelf just made more bottle tremble. 

“Watch out-!” Leonard dropped the broom to hold the shelf before it could fall on the man, but a bottle rolled away, crashing way too close to him. 

“Wait- let me help... You’re gonna kill yourself like this.” Leonard said grabbing the hand to help the other get out from under the boxes. 

“Ugh… Thanks.” The man said, maybe on his thirty, with short blonde hair and blue eyes that shined in the light- and that grown incredibly wide when they found themselves face-to-face. 

“What the hell were you doing in here?” Leonard asked, noticing a bruise under his eye and a broken lip, but the other harshly free himself and tried to move away on his own, just to fall on the floor again, right were the bottle crashed, crying in pain a second later. The doctor grabbed his arm to pull him up, but it was too late: he could see one piece of glass stuck into his bleeding palm. “Shit…” He said looking for something to stop the bleeding, but all he found was a box of paper tissues. “Hold on... Keep your hand up,” he said before moving to grab the box but, turning around, the man was already on his feet. 

“I have to go.” The blonde cut short, walking straight to the door without looking at him. 

“Wait-” Leonard stopped him by his arm, but he instantly pulled away. “You can’t walk around with that hand- Listen!” he insisted, holding him again, even tighter when he tried to break free again. “We can’t go out anyway, the hotel is locked, and I’m a doctor. Let me fix your hand and then you can kick the door down if you want, ok?” he asked, but the other just kept staring at his wounded hand with a dark look. “We need to stop the bleeding,” Leonard added more calmly, “Alright?” 

The blonde looked away and took a deep breath, nodding. 

 

Leonard let him sit at one of the tables and moved inside the backroom again to retrieve anything that could help with the medication. When he returned with a little bowl, a bottle of water, one of alcohol and some more tissues, he saw the man quickly looking away again, keeping his left arm stretched on the table, the bleeding hand lying over a cloth they found before. “They’ll need to clean this place for good tomorrow…” Leonard commented sitting in front of him. 

The man didn’t answer. 

Leonard stared at him for a moment, at his old-looking clothes, the strange little pin on his chest, some kind of V upside-down, visible on the shirt under his jacket. “Alright, let me see…” He said taking his hand, ignoring the flinch, focusing on the piece of glass instead. “You have a strong resistance to pain, huh?”

Again, he kept quiet. 

Leonard sighed and emptied the water bottle into the bowl, getting another cloth wet before carefully cleaning the area around the wound, checking for any damage at the same time. A slight groan made him look up, “Sorry. Lucky for you, it looks worst than it is. I can remove the glass if you want.” 

He kept looking down, tense on his seat. 

“Or I can bandage your hand as it is, but-” 

“Just pull it out.” 

Leonard studied him for another second and nodded. “Ok. Take a deep breath. It’ll be quick.” He said grasping tightly his hand to have a better hold on the glass, keeping the box of tissues and the alcohol close by. “You don’t want to tell me your name?” he asked but got no answer, "I mean, since I’m your doctor right now… I’m Leonard.” That said, he pulled the piece of glass out. 

The blonde hardly managed to keep down a groan, grabbing hard on the table with his other hand, shutting his eyes while the doctor poured some alcohol on the tissues before applying them on the wound. 

“Ok, it’s done. Done. Here…” Leonard grabbed a large tissue he found before and started using it as a bandage around his hand. Once the medication was finished, he breathed out and looked at him again, still holding his hand. “You alright?” 

The other nodded. 

“It’ll be fine for now, but you really should go the hospital…” 

He shook his head in no. 

“A stubborn one... Great.” Leonard snorted with a grin, noticing how the man was slightly holding his hand as well. _It might have hurt a lot_ , he thought. “Not that we are free to leave, anyway…” 

“It’s- it’s Jim.” He said after a moment of silence. “I’m Jim.” 

“Well, nice to meet you, Jim. Don’t move your hand too much, alright?” Leonard said letting him go and standing to pour some whiskey in two glasses, placing one in front of his guest. “I think we both deserve it.” 

Jim stared at the glass before slowly taking it, keeping it into his hand for a while. 

“Sorry, I didn’t ask if you drink-“ Leonard said, but then the other emptied the glass in one gulp, “Now I know you do.” 

Jim took a deep breath, a weak smile on his lips, eyes a bit watery. “You’re right… We deserve it.” 

Leonard studied him for a moment before placing the bottle on the table. “You need ice for those bruises? There should be some under the counter…” 

“Why are you helping me?” Jim interrupted.

“First of all, I’m a doctor. Second, I don’t want anyone’s death on my conscience.” 

Jim looked down at his hand. “I’ll be fine once I leave this place.” 

“Good luck on that. The hotel is locked down at the moment because of that shooting.” 

“Hotel?” he echoed, frowning, “This is a hotel?” 

“You probably have a concussion too, but why bother, huh?” He said bitterly, taking one of the brochures of the hotel, slamming it in front of him. “Ring any bell?” 

Jim just stared at the front page, the Enterprise name in big, red letters, and he almost laughed- a low, cold laugh, before dropping his face into a hand. 

“I guess it does.” The doctor commented, filling another glass for himself.

“Hotel Enterprise…” Jim shook his head, lowering his shoulders in defeat. After a moment, he looked up at him and asked, “Which room are you in?” 

Leonard almost choked with the drink. “Look- I’m glad I could help you, but I don’t need company. Of any kind.” 

“Let me guess… 1701?” Jim continued and smiled again when he didn’t answer. “Don't worry... I’m not going to spend the night with you. I was just curious.” 

“Curious about my room’s number which you already knew. Not creepy at all.” The doctor commented, suspicious. _Something’s not right here…_

Jim seemed to notice it, and looked away, standing up. “Sorry. I better leave now.” 

“I told you, no one can leave the hotel,” Leonard said once again, watching him slowly walk through the bar- and fall against one of the other tables. He sighed and stood to help him. One look was enough to know that the blonde wasn’t feeling well. “Jim, I’m serious, you should-” 

“ **I’m fine**.” He growled pushing him away, and the doctor just stared at him in silence. Taking a deep breath, Jim tried to calm down, “I have to go.” 

Leonard sighed and dropped his shoulders. “I can try call downstairs. Someone should have come back here to let me out too by now…” he said and, when Jim just stood there in silence, he nodded and moved back to the counter and grabbed the phone. Scrolling through the cordless number’s list, he slowly walked around the bar, sending a glare at the room on the back, where there was still blood on the floor…

Waiting for someone in the hall to answer, he stepped closer to the room. _No one entered in the bar after me… For how long did he stayed in here?_ he wondered, and decided to ask him directly, “Hey Jim, how did you-?” 

Leonard turned to look at him, but something on the TV caught his attention: the news was showing a picture of the suspect responsible for the shooting. Leonard narrowed his eyes, unsure, moving closer to the screen to see the picture of a blonde man running away, gun in hand. 

“Shit…” he murmured and, a second later, an arm moved around his neck and the cordless crashed on the floor as the doctor started to struggle. 

“I'm sorry,” Jim whispered into his ear, his hold getting tighter by the second. 

Leonard tried to get free, but the alcohol in his blood wasn't helping. That, and also the surprise realizing how strong the other man was, and the fact that he just patched up a killer. _Goddamn it_ , he cursed at everything before passing out.


	2. Chapter 2

When he woke up, it was sitting in a different place... A place that Leonard felt familiar, but unable to connect it to an actual memory- not until, turning his head, he saw the city lights of San Francisco out the large window. _The convention… OH SHIT!_

Quickly trying to get up from the floor, he found his wrists tied up in front of him using his tie. “Shit… shit!” he hissed trying to free himself while standing up. 

“Hey...” 

Leonard jumped, finding Jim coming out of the bathroom. “ **You stay the hell away from me**.” He growled stepping away to keep some distance between them, surprised that his feet weren’t tied up as well. 

“Look, I’m sorry-“ Jim started, and quickly stepped forward to block the way when the other made a run for the door. “You’re not going to make it easy for me, are you?” He sighed holding him by the shoulder, moving him back to the couch. 

“I don’t have to,” Leonard shot back and hit him in the chest with an elbow hard enough to get free again. Proud of the gasp of pain he heard, he had the time to turn to the door before being caught again, pushing him down on the carpet. “What the hell do you want from me?!” he yelled angrily. 

“Nothing,” Jim said pulling him up and back on the couch. “Believe it or not… This wasn’t planned.” He continued standing in front of him, massaging his pained chest with a hand. 

“Then let me go before I start screaming.” 

“Please, don’t.” He said sitting on the other couch. 

"Well, if you ask me so nicely..." he sneered coldly. 

"I don’t think you would like it. All I have found to gag you are your socks…” 

“You- you looked into my bags?” 

“I didn’t mean to, but-” 

“Sure, and you didn't mean to kidnap me either, huh?!" 

"This isn't-" 

"You can’t keep me here! Let me go!” 

“Look, I know you saw the news, before. We both know I can’t let you go yet.” 

Leonard stared nervously at him. “So you’re the responsible of the shooting…” He stated, but the other didn’t comment. “You want to leave, right? Just go. Leave me here and go wherever you want. It’s gonna take a while before someone will come looking for me. You’ll be miles away by then.” 

Jim seemed to consider it, but then just looked down at his bandaged hand. 

“I don’t care about you or why you- it’s not my business, alright? I helped you, did I? Just leave me here and we’re even.” 

Jim smiled a bit, a sad smile that confused the doctor for a second. “I will. I- I’ll leave you to your business soon, don’t worry.” He said looking up again. “I... Maybe I'll need your help to get out of here.” 

Leonard breathed out, shaking his head, pulling on the tie blocking his wrists. “And if I don’t want to?” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“God... I knew that coming here was a bad idea. I fucking knew it.” 

“Well, since we’re stuck together… Why are you here?” 

Leonard flashed him with a furious glare. “Are you serious?” 

“I'm just trying to be nice.” 

“You’re a murderer!” 

“You should try to be nice too, you know?” 

“This is just- _amazing_. My usual luck. I should have expected this…” 

“No one would’ve expected this. Especially you.” 

Leonard noticed the tone changing, but the blonde quickly looked away when their eyes met again and stood, turning to the window. He knew he needed to find a way to escape, and fast, but there was something about the guy... The man in the news was Jim, no doubt about that- he chocked and kidnapped him, for Lord’ sake, and still… There was _something_ , and Leonard couldn't explain what it was.

“I just- I'd like to talk for a while, that's it,” Jim said, looking briefly at him, “but if you don’t want to, it’s fine. I understand.” 

_Maybe I should let him talk… Keep him calm and busy,_ Leonard thought, considering the few options available. Then, his phone rang, and both of them stopped to listen until Jim walked to retrieve the device left on the bed. “Wait-“ he tried to say, but there wasn’t much he could do to stop him. No one talked for a moment, only the phone’s ringing filling the silence.

“Your wife?” Jim asked, face unreadable, showing him the screen, and Leonard’s blood turned cold seeing the picture and name of his wife calling.

“Leave her out of this,” Leonard said, but Jim just kept staring at the screen. “I’ll talk- I’ll help you escape, whatever you want, but leave my family alone.” 

The other didn’t look up, nor answered until the call ended and the silence fell in the room. “I told you, I don’t want to hurt you, nor your family.” He then said, looking patiently at him. “Sure, if you’d like to answer my questions…” 

“I will.” 

They stared at each other for a moment, then Jim took a deep breath and smiled that sad smile again, one that made him look like he was deeply hurt. “Thanks.” He said turning the phone off. 

Leonard allowed himself to take deep breath as well. Jim didn’t look like a bloody murderer, but, after all, the cruelest ones never do. 

“So,” Jim started, sitting at the edge of the bed, “How’s your life?” 

The doctor blinked, taken aback. “Beg your pardon?” 

“Your life. How’re you doing?” 

Leonard studied him but, apparently, he was serious. “You- you want to know about my life?” 

“Yes.” 

Jim was waiting, so he tried to formulate a decent answer. “W-well, I- I’m a doctor… I’m here for a convention.” 

“You like your job?” 

“Y- yeah… I do.” 

He nodded slowly, staring at his own hands. “What else?” 

Leonard was too confused to think, but tried anyway. “I have a dog.” 

“Really?” Jim looked up, genuinely surprised. “How did you call it?” 

“Uh- I don’t know yet. It’s a Christmas present for my daughter-” he suddenly stopped, cursing at himself. 

“You have a daughter? What’s her name?”

Leonard turned the other way, refusing the answer.

“I told you already, I’m not going after your family. I’m just-”

“Curious. Yeah, I heard that already,” he cut short, coldly. “Sorry if I don’t believe you.” 

Jim sighed, “You know, I could just check your wallet if I wanted to know where you live.” 

“You-!” 

“But I didn’t. It’s still there where you left it.” He said tilting his head towards the bedside table where the walled was placed. 

“As if you haven’t checked it already…” 

“If I did, why bother asking you something I already know?”

Leonard wasn’t sure if his voice sounded calm or sad anymore. “Are you really expecting me to trust you?” 

Jim grinned slightly. “I do.” 

The worst part of this situation was the Leonard somehow knew he could. He knew the police was looking for this strange man, said man that also killed someone… Still, Leonard wasn’t scared as much as he should’ve been. He was ready to die to keep his family safe, but he knew… He knew there was no need to lie. “Joanna.” 

Something flashed in Jim’s eyes, but he just nodded, standing up again, walking around the room. 

Leonard followed him with his eyes, frowning. “What was that?” 

“Huh?” 

“Your reaction to my daughter’s name.” 

“I just thought I know someone else called like that.” Jim commented. 

Leonard couldn’t see his face, and that didn’t helped understanding that strange expression he just saw. 

“Anyway, you didn’t answer my first question yet,” Jim said after a moment, standing behind the couch. “How’s your life?” 

Leonard could see him facing the door: his voice was still steady, but he looked as if he was forcing down the need to scream. “Just a normal life…” 

“Are you happy?” 

“Look, are you a therapist or something?” 

Jim laughed softly. “Just for tonight.” 

Leonard sighed, shaking his head. “I guess I am happy- with the life I have. It could be worse… Someone could kidnap me and keep me as a hostage.” 

Jim breathed out as something heavy just lifted from his shoulders, and nodded, as a little smile grew on his lips. “That’s good to hear.” He said looking down again. 

“Seriously, what’s your point? Why are you asking me these things?” 

“Because- too often people don’t bother to ask. Sometimes you need to be sure.” 

Leonard noticed Jim’s eyes getting watery before he turned around, pacing back and forth in the living room. “You asked the same thing to that man you-?” 

“You’re supposed to answer my questions, not the other way around.” 

“I think I earned some answers.” 

Jim snorted, “We’ll see.” 

Leonard was going to insist, but then someone knocked at the door and both of them froze. 

“Doctor McCoy? We talked before, at the bar... I just wanted to be sure you were back to your room.” A man called from outside. 

“Did he saw your face?” Jim whispered. 

“Y-yeah... He saw I was locked inside the bar,” he said, scared as Jim took a gun from behind his back, approaching. “Hey, hold on-“ 

Jim freed his wrists, keeping a tight hold on his arm after helping him to stand. “I don’t want any more troubles than you do. Don’t try anything stupid, ok?” He said while moving together in front of the door. 

“Doctor McCoy, are you there?” the guy called again from outside. 

The two stared at each other until Leonard nodded and opened the door, keeping Jim and the arm he was holding by hidden behind it. The last thing he wanted was an innocent man killed because of him. “Yes. Hi.” 

As expected, the guy waiting outside was indeed the one he met before. “Sorry to bother, sir. I came back to get you out and found the door of the bar open… Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah. I- I think someone came by while I was in the bathroom… I just found the door open, so got back to my room and call my family.” 

“I understand. Sadly, the emergency is still on, so, please, stay here until further notice.” 

“I will. Thank you.” 

The young man smiled politely and nodded before leaving. 

Once the door closed, both Leonard and Jim breathed out, and the second let him go, lowering the gun. “Well done.” 

“Said the one keeping me at gunpoint.” Leonard snarled moving back to the living room. Out the window, he could see more police cars running into the street- but three were at the entrance’s gates. _About time…_

“I mean it,” Jim said, staying few feet away. “As I told you before, any of this was planned. I wasn’t-” 

“Then why you’re here? Why kidnap me?” 

“I’m not- This isn’t a kidnap.” 

“Oh really? Because it sure looks like one!” Leonard snapped angrily, but the other just looked away- seeming _guilty_ for the first time since they met. “What were you expecting to happen going around shooting people?” 

“It was only one person.” 

“Are you serious right now? You think this is a joke?” he continued, “The police is blocking the area for kilometers as we speak! What are you going to do now? Hiding here forever using me to get a helicopter or something?” 

“I never thought I would have made it this far, ok? This wasn’t the plan.” 

Leonard blinked, unsure. “You weren’t expecting to survive? What are you, a terrorist?” 

“What? No! No, I just… Everything I’ve done, I had to do it, ok? I had no choice.” 

“Jim-“ 

“Stop calling me that!” 

“That’s your- _Fine!_ Then tell me how should I call you?” Leonard yelled back, spreading his arms in disbelief. 

Jim growled in anger and shook his head, turning around, facing the bedroom. 

Leonard just stared at him, waiting. He knew there was more, something this crazy man wasn’t telling, but why he should’ve cared about his motives? _And why the hell he looks more like a lost kid, rather than a damn killer?_

“You’re right. I can’t stay here…” Jim said in the end, looking at him again. “I have a place to go before dawn, and I’ll need help to get there, so you’re coming with me.” 

Leonard’s shoulders dropped. _Did I just said that my life is good? Because I’m hating it right now._

**\- * -**

_Spock was used to see the Captain angry. It happened many times before, but even he could tell that this time was different: James Kirk was pacing back and forth in the corridor outside the meeting room of the Enterprise, arms crossed and a death-serious glare fixed on the ground._

 _“Are you sure they’re going to let him come back?” the Captain asked after a moment._

_“Yes. His detention was momentary… An obligation, I would say, considering the circumstances, but I’m confident we will be able to fulfill our mission.”_

_Jim shook the head and kept pacing._

_“Captain, if I’m allowed to express my opinion regarding what happened-“_

_“No need. I am very much aware of the consequences for his actions, Mr. Spock.”_

_“Then, I highly suggest you to-”_

_“You think I’m going to screw up the situation more than he already did?”_

_“It is my duty to evaluate all the possibilities…”_

_“Then spare me. We both know why he did it.” Jim snarled almost stomping on the floor._

_“Nonetheless…”_

_“Captain,” a crewmember called from down the corridor, making the two turn around. “Doctor McCoy is back aboard.”_

_“Where is he?” Jim asked._

_“In med-bay for a check-up.”_

_“Is he hurt?”_

_“Not severely, but-“_

_“Then bring him here. I need to talk with him.”_

_“Sir, he should-“_

_“Now.” He cut her off and she nodded once before leaving. Breathing out, he noticed Spock staring in silence. “Don’t give me that look. If he managed to climb a mountain all by myself, he can talk with me for ten minutes.” He said marching into the meeting room._

_“You said that you know the reasons behind McCoy’s actions, but I wonder if you actually understand them.” Spock commented following him, closing the door._

_“I do, that’s why I’m furious!” Jim shouted angrily. “If we managed to listen to those people without freaking out, he should’ve at least- COME IN.” He snapped hearing knocking on the door._

_Leonard McCoy stepped inside the room with Chapel right behind him, and Jim could see why she came along: both Leonard’s hair and clothes were messy and dusty; dark stains were visible on his brown jacket; there was a cut on his cheek, plus few scratches on his face and neck._

_Jim wasn’t used seeing him in such a miserable state, so he just stared in surprise for a few seconds._

_“Captain, I understand the importance of this meeting, but at least let us check him up first.” Chapel said._

_“I told you, it’s fine,” Leonard himself answered._

_“But-“_

_“I have to talk with Doctor McCoy alone.” Jim said looking at Spock and Chapel. “I don’t want him dead yet, so I’ll make sure he makes it back to med bay once we’re done.” He added staring at her._

_She breathed out and, after sharing a look with the doctor, nodded and left, followed by Spock that closed the door behind them._

_Once alone, they both stayed quiet for a moment, none of them used to this change of scenario- since it was usually the other way around._

_“What happened to you?” Jim asked in the end, because, despite everything, he couldn’t stop worry._

_“I slipped,” Leonard said._

_“So the ground punched you in the face?” Jim said with cold sarcasm, but the other just breathed out, staring at the floor in silence. “You know, at first I wasn’t even mad at you for ignoring my orders…”_

_“Jim, I wasn’t-“_

_“I told you to come back so that we could prepare to leave, and you asked me another hour, and I said ok. Then the hours became two and you didn’t even bother to respond anymore. I sent a squad back down on the planet to check on you and, guess what, people at the clinic told them you left, heading to the mountain, taking a bunch of kids with you. Can you imagine my face at that?”_

_“I can, yes…”_

_“And still, I wasn’t mad. I was surprised, and a lot confused, but I thought that surely there was a good reason for you to act that way. Then Gillian talked with Spock before coming back on the ship...”_

_“Of course she did…“ the doctor cried passing a hand over his face._

_“She reached him at the shuttle,_ in tears, _saying that the kids convinced you to go check the Temple, and that she was scared that you all were going to die because the Gods would have been_ offended by such insolence, _as she put it."_

_“Well, they clearly were not, since we’re all alive. And what I’ve found there-“_

_**“I don’t care what you found, Bones.** ” Jim screamed angrily. “You put those kids and yourself in danger! What the hell were you thinking?!” _

_“They were fine! I didn’t bring them with me. I’m not that stupid.”_

_“But you’re stupid enough to ignore the orders and almost get yourself killed!”_

_“There’s a good reason if I-“_

_“Oh, there’s a good reason? Well, then everything makes sense!” the other yelled, even angrier than before._

_“If you’d let me explain...“_

_“I don’t want to hear any of your excuses right now!”_

_Leonard was going to insist, but then changed his mind and kept his mouth shut, watching the Captain staring at him for a long moment before dropping on a chair, passing a hand over his face._

_Jim took a deep breath before speaking again, keeping his eyes down. “Our mission was to bring medicines to these people. That’s it.”_

_“I know.”_

_“And I told you we were going to stick to that plan. I told you we wouldn’t have stayed for too long…”_

_“What’s the point of giving them medicines if they keep killing their own people?” Leonard finally snapped, taking a step forward. “That’s why I risked my life- that’s why I disobeyed your orders. To see if the rumors were true!”_

_“Bones-”_

_“Do you really believe what they said about those sacrifices? Because I don’t, not even for a second, and when those kids told me that they-“_

_“Being involved in their business is not part of our mission!”_

_“They saw what happens in the temple, and if it’s true the Gods have nothing to do with it!”_

_“We’re not here to judge them.” Jim said, expression as serious as his voice._

_“No, we’re here to help and that’s what I was doing!” Leonard continued. “Those kids are the only ones brave enough to speak up! They told me how their friends- their siblings, died because of that ritual for decades! The last one wasn’t even a month ago and the kid saw her sister accepting to go there to be killed. She was ten years old!”_

_Jim kept his eyes down, silently sitting on the chair, unmoving._

_“They were terrified to talk to me about it, but one of them has been already taken away to prepare for the next ritual, so they couldn’t…” he slowly stopped, studying the Captain, unsure. “You already knew about this…?”_

_“Why you think I wanted to leave this planet as soon as possible?” Jim finally said, looking gravely at him. “I didn’t wanted for any of us to get involved in this.”_

_“This is not about us! The people down there are dying!”_

_“I know, but we can’t just-!”_

_**“It’s homicide**!” Leonard yelled. “We’re talking about murder- and brainwash on who knows how many kids, and you want me to just close my eyes and pretend I don’t know?”_

_Jim wished he was heartless enough to say_ yes, _but they both knew he wasn’t that kind of person. “You know better than me that we are not allowed to interfere with the civilizations we engage, and especially in their beliefs. Including rituals, despite how wrong they might look to us.”_

_“Then look me in the eyes and tell me you’re fine with it,” Leonard growled angrily, “Tell me you think there’s nothing wrong with what is happening down there.”_

_“You know I’m not fine with it.”_

_“Then why we can’t find a way to help them?!”_

_“Because we can’t force_ our _beliefs on them. We can’t just land on their planet and say_ screw your Gods!” 

_“We could, because there’s nothing there.” Leonard said coldly. “They said that the temple is the house of the Gods, right? That the last one of them is resting beneath it and that it would destroy the planet if it wakes up, so they do the ritual- they sacrifice people to keep it asleep…”_

_“Bones…”_

_“I couldn’t answer your calls before because I was checking the tunnels beneath that Temple.”_

_“You **WHAT?** ” _

_“The kids showed me a secret passage. No one knows who created it, but it still there. I told them to wait at the entrance, and it didn’t take me too long to find the well- a gigantic well connected inside the temple... The Abyss, as the kids call it.” He took a deep breath, “You want to know what I’ve found at the bottom?”_

_Jim saw him getting paler, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know._

_“No Gods, no one burning me alive because of my_ insolence. _Just the bodies of all the kids that have been thrown in there. Including the last one. There were so many, she didn’t even die on the impact.”_

_Jim shook his head and looked down, feeling sick. He then watched the doctor silently sitting in front of him, and couldn’t even imagine how he must have felt in front of such a scene- but he noticed how his hand was shaking slightly on the table. Jim slowly grabbed his arm, squeezing a bit._

_“We can’t let that happen to someone else,” Leonard said, blinking the tears away. “I’m asking you as a friend, and as a member of your crew. We have to do something.”_

_Jim just stared back at him for a long moment, thinking._

_“I know I’m asking a lot,” Leonard added. “Maybe- maybe I really wasn’t worthy of seeing the Gods… Maybe I'm wrong, and a God is really sleeping down there and all those deaths aren’t for nothing, but… We could at least do a scan of the planet, see if there’s something off that could cause its destruction. I…” he breathed out, trying to calm down, at least enough to be able to speak. “I’m trying- I am_ trying _to think of all the possibilities, Jim. I’ll keep trying, but don’t ask me to leave and forget about this place because I can’t do that.”_

_Jim took a deep breath and squeezed his arm a bit more. “I’ll talk with Spock while you get patched up. I’ll set up a meeting in thirty minutes to decide how to proceed. I don’t have to tell you how delicate the matter is…”_

_“No, sir.”_

_“Good. Because I need us both to stay as neutral as possible, despite what you saw down there.” He said. “If we want to help those kids, we can’t make any other mistakes.”_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last month has been intense and, I have to admit, editing this fic was making me too sad so I needed to stay away from it for a bit. 5 chapters confirmed, though, so... yay?

“This is a bad idea.” 

“Don’t worry.” 

“ _I do worry_! I don’t want to have anything to do with-“ Leonard was suddenly pushed against the wall, with Jim’s hand pressed over his mouth. 

Jim peeked out the corner where they were hiding to check the corridor, holding the gun in the other hand. Watching two men of the security walking away, he then looked back at him, “They got nothing on you yet, so you’ll be fine.” 

“What you mean _yet_?” he snorted moving his hand away. 

“I mean that keeping you as a hostage doesn’t make you my partner in crime.” 

“You said you didn’t need a hostage!” 

“That was before the police invaded the hotel!” Jim hissed back, and both kept staring at each other for a tense moment. “Once I’ll be out of here, I will let you go, ok? I promise.” 

“You haven’t proved yourself very trustworthy so far.” Leonard snorted showing his wrist once again blocked with his tie. 

“That’s just a necessary precaution,” Jim patiently said. “Don’t do anything stupid and you’ll be free in no time.” 

The other glared coldly at him. “You better keep your promise.” 

Jim nodded. “We’ll use the stairs to reach the parking underground. We should be able to leave the hotel from there.” 

“And then what?” 

“I’ll tell you once we’re outside. Come on.” He said pointing at the door not too far from them.

Leonard silently shook his head before proceeding, descending the emergency stairway. _I was just supposed to attend a boring convention… How the hell did I end up the hostage of a killer?_ A beeping sound distracted him from his thoughts, turning around to see the other checking something inside his jacket. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not your phone. I left it in your room.” Jim said, noticing him staring.

“If you have friends that could help you, I would be more than happy to switch place. Just saying.” Leonard said, but the other didn’t comment. 

Once in the parking, Jim moved next to him, scanning the area: no police down there. “Alright… That way.” He said pointing at the exit few meters away, right in front of them, but then grabbed Leonard by the shirt and dragged him aside whispering, “Cameras.” 

The doctor spotted two just then, one on each side of the exit. “What are you, some kind of soldier?” he asked, but the other just kept moving both to the right side of the parking while checking around. Walking beneath and out of sight of the cameras, they were finally outside, quickly making their way through the large garden surrounding the hotel. “It’s not so hard to notice you have military training, you know?” 

“I thought I was the one making questions.” 

“And I think you could answer a few, for a change.” Leonard shot back trying not to trip on the bushes. 

“Yeah? What makes you think that?”

“Maybe the fact that I’m following you without put up much of a fight like I could?” Leonard angrily said, stopping and moving away when Jim tried to grab his arm again. “Or because you forced me to tell you my daughter’s name? All that while keeping me at gunpoint? You pick.” 

"I've never kept you at gunpoint-" 

"No, but I don't like guns and I'm tired of having one so close to me, and I..." he took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice down, "I'm tired in general, at this point. " 

There was a moment of silence, then Jim sighed. “Ok. You can ask me one question.” 

“One? Are you-?” 

“Is that or nothing, so you better not waste it. Now, please, can you move?” 

Leonard looked away and turned around to proceed. “This is the most absurd night of my life…” he murmured to himself before tripping over a root, and Jim promptly held him by an arm. Their eyes met, and Leonard had to stop himself from saying _thanks_. 

“Watch your steps.” Jim simply said and let him go, breaking eye contact to check behind them. 

“That’s what you get for kidnapping someone half-drunk.”

“You’re holding up pretty good so far.” 

“Oh really?” he snorted, descending a little hill, feeling the other grabbing the back of his jacket again to guide him into the right direction. 

“Aren’t doctors used to heavy drinks?” 

“If you’re imagining me sitting in a fancy office, with a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other-” 

“Something like that.” 

“Well, don’t. Me in the kitchen, with a beer in hand and a frying pan in the other, that’s what you should imagine.” 

“A frying pan?” 

“It might be a shock for you, but some doctors can actually cook,” Leonard snorted, feeling him letting go again. Turning around, he found him staring down with that strange expression again. “Now what?” 

“Nothing.” Jim grabbed his arm tighter than before while pushing him forward, reaching a little gateway. 

“Ow- hey, I was just trying to have a conversation…” 

“I thought you said _no talking with the killer_.” 

Before Leonard could answer to that, he heard another _beep_. “What's that sound?” 

Jim ignored him, focusing on the gate, obviously locked. He put the gun away, behind his back, and took something from inside his jacket. 

Leonard was surprised to see it was a second gun, smaller- a type he never saw before. He watched him placing the barrel against the padlock: there was no gunshot, just a weak light, along with a low buzzing sound while the lock started to melt until the light faded completely, and the gate opened. “What the-?” 

Jim spared a sad look at the second gun before putting it away, pushing him out the hotel area, pointing down the street saying, “That way.”

“How did you-“ 

“Shut up and move.” 

Leonard wanted to ask so many things but kept repeating to himself that getting angry wasn't going to help. He could hear their footsteps in the empty street and see their shadows melting when passing under the streetlamps, but none of them talked for a long moment. “Are you not gonna talk for the rest of the night?” he asked in the end. He was too nervous to handle that silence. He needed to talk- to ignore his own thoughts. 

“You seemed to like the idea.” Was the cold answer. 

“I did, but I’d like to know how you opened that gate, before.” 

“That’s none of your business.” 

“You know what, fuck you.” Leonard angrily said, suddenly turning around, finding Jim almost tripping against him before stepping back. “None of this was _my business_! _You_ kidnapped me, and now you’re trying to blame me- for what, exactly? For helping you? I could start screaming and try to escape even now!” 

“Then why don’t you?”

“Because you’re the one with the damn gun!” Leonard couldn’t stand that cold, blank expression. For some reason, that face hit his nerves more than the whole situation. 

“I told you, I never tried to-”

“No, of course. You just casually decided to investigate about my family-” 

“I didn’t!” 

“and keeping me as your hostage, even if you said- even if…” Leonard didn’t know how, but a second later he found himself sitting on the ground, back against the wall, breathing fast, blinking, trying to clear his blurred vision.

“-ok? Can you hear me?” Jim was asking, down on one knee next to him. 

“Told you I was drunk…” he murmured trying to stand, just to fall back down again. He flinched when Jim grabbed his wrist, despite how gentle the touch was, and realized he was checking his pulse. They both saw Leonard’s hand was shaking a bit, and the doctor refused to meet his eyes, slowly getting free from his grasp. “Just go. You’ll be out of the city by the time I’ll get back to the hotel.” 

“I would never-” Jim started, angry, but then stopped and stood, looking away. 

Leonard stared at him in silence. _I don’t understand this guy at all…_

“I think a few shops are still open…” Jim said, mostly to himself, before looking at him again. “Can you walk?” 

“No,” he tiredly answered, but then the other untangled his wrists and pulled him up on his feet. “Can’t you just leave me here? Please?” Leonard cried, feeling unstable on his own legs. 

“I will,” Jim said moving Leonard’s arm behind his neck and over his shoulders, helping him to walk.

Leonard wanted to feel uncomfortable, to feel scared, or angry, and move away from him, but there was none of that. Too tired to think about what was wrong with him, he took the opportunity to study Jim’s face, now so much closer: he didn’t look scary at all- nervous maybe, but there was always this strange care lingering in the way Jim moved around and touched him. It should have been perceived as unwanted, and yet, it wasn’t.

Jim met his eyes just for a second. “Try to behave now, ok?” He said, punching on the door with a hand, keeping a firm hold on his arm with the other. 

Leonard followed his gaze and narrowed his eyebrows. “A coffee shop…?” 

A man appeared on the other side of the glass-door after, emerging from the poorly illuminated shop, studying them for a moment before saying, “Sorry, we’re closed.” 

“Wait- My friend needs help,” Jim said. 

“We’re friends now?” Leonard murmured.

“If you proceed that way, you can ask help to the police. There should be few ambulances down there too.” The man said pointing on the left.

“He can’t walk. Please, just let him rest for a minute. We’ll be out as soon as he feels better.” Jim insisted.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but we were ordered to-“ 

“Carl, for God’s sake, just let them in!” A woman yelled from inside the shop. 

“But I thought-“ 

A tall woman marched to the door, unlocking and opening it for them. “Come on in, boys. Hurry.” 

Jim quickly obeyed, holding Leonard tightly against himself. “Thank you. We were just…” 

“It’s ok. Is your boyfriend alright? He doesn’t look good.” She said, checking on the doctor. 

“We’re not… He just needs to rest. We were close to the shooting area, and we ran until we got here.” Jim said. 

“I understand. It's terrible what is happening out there… Find yourself a seat, sweetie. I’ll prepare something warm to drink for you both.” She said heading to the counter. 

“There’s a table there... Where he can rest.” The young man from before told him. “Watch your steps. The power’s still off.” 

“Thank you,” Jim said with a nod, carefully crossing the dark room, finding few other people that took shelter there during the emergency; few candles placed on the tables were the only source of light. 

When Leonard started to feel more in control of himself, he was laying on a soft, long seat, staring at the dark ceiling. Despite everything, he sighed at the smell of coffee in the air. 

“How are you feeling?” Jim asked, appearing into his line of sight, standing behind the back of the seat. 

The doctor just stared for a moment. “She thinks that I’m your boyfriend…?” 

“Hey, that granted you a free coffee.” The other said with a little grin.

Leonard wanted to argue, to get up and punch the man, but, once again, he couldn’t understand why joking between them felt so natural… Almost familiar. “Why you keep looking at me like that?” he slowly asked, noticing that strange expression appearing again, and Jim looked taken aback before turning around and walk away. 

Leonard stayed there, waiting, until a thought hit him: _Did he left?_ Grabbing the table with one hand, he pulled himself up as fast as he could, finding Jim thanking the lady at the bar before coming back with two steaming cups. 

“Here you go… What?” Jim asked stopping halfway before sitting down in front of him. 

“I thought…” Leonard breathed out, leaving that sentence incomplete, passing both hands over his face instead. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll leave soon,” Jim said with a so little grin.

“Still, you have time for a coffee…” 

“There’s always time for coffee.” He said, noticing him frowning. “You… You don’t like coffee?” 

“No… I mean, yes. That’s- I use to say the same thing.” Leonard watched him look down and take a sip in silence. _Something is not right here…_ “Why did you help me?” He asked. “You could have just left me there and escape.” 

Jim smiled that slight smile again, staring into the cup. “I know you won't believe it, but I’m not that kind of person.” 

“So kidnapping people is ok, but leaving someone drunk in the alley is not?” Leonard commented, but the other didn’t answer, so he just sighed, letting another moment pass. “Can you answer that one question before you leave?” he asked then, keeping his voice low, and saw him taking a deep breath before nodding. “Did you really kill that man?” 

Jim didn’t answer right away, and then just said, “I did," without meeting his eyes.

Leonard wasn't really shocked by the answer, but what confused him, was the badly hidden sadness and guilt showing on Jim's face. “Why?” 

“We said only one question.” 

“I just want to-“ 

“Don’t bother.” Jim interrupted, noticing few of the customers staring nervously at them before quickly turning the other way, murmuring between them, cellphones in hand. 

“I’m the one stuck with you, so I do bother.” Leonard insisted.

“Not for long.” 

“Jim.” 

He tightened the grasp around the cup for a second, before looking back at the doctor. 

“I know I’m the last person that should say this, but… If there’s a reason for this- for what you did…” Leonard carefully said and saw him looking away again. “I’m just trying to-“ 

“And I said, **don’t bother**.” He cut him off again, angrily, making other customers turn in their direction. 

That reaction just raised Leonard’s doubts. “It’s not too late to stop.” 

Jim laughed a bit, coldly, looking outside the shop, where few police cars were stopping, on the other side of the street. 

Leonard watched him turning and staring intently at the table, thinking, and he knew it was time. 

“I shouldn’t have taken you with me. I shouldn’t have- kidnap you. I’m sorry about that,” Jim said, voice low and tense. “About everything.” He added before standing up. 

“Jim-“ 

“Excuse me, where’s the bathroom?” He asked the young waiter that was just heading to the entrance. 

“Second door down that corridor…” he said, frowning as they both left the table. 

“Jim, wait a second-” Leonard insisted following him inside the cold room. 

“You should go back.” 

“I will, but-“ they both froze for a second, hearing more voices coming from the shop. “Jim… Can you listen to me for just for a moment?” He said as the other locked the door and moved to the window. 

“Tell the police what happened. That I kidnapped you and- and that I threatened your family. You’ll be fine.” Jim continued, jumping out the window and into the dark alley next to the building.

“Damn it- hold on!” Leonard said and grabbed his arm just before he could leave, and again he felt that strange, familiar feeling. “Did we…?” He frowned a bit, unsure, “Jim, did we met before?” 

Jim swallowed down, and then took a deep breath. “Maybe in another life,” he then said with a little smile, before moving his hand away and running down the street. 

Leonard tried to say something, but nothing came out. He knew he had to stay there; he knew he was free now- he wasn’t even restrained anymore, but when he looked outside again and saw the man leaving, his body moved on its own. “I must be drunker than I thought…” he hissed climbing out the window and running after him. 

Jim turned around at the sounds of his footsteps and his eyes grow wide in surprise. “What are you doing?!” 

“There’s something you’re not telling me, and I don’t like being left hanging.” 

“Are you crazy? Just leave!” 

“I will. Once we’re done.” Leonard nodded, but the other just keep staring. “They will shoot you on sight. With me, they might aim for your leg instead of your head.” 

“You don’t have to do it.” 

“I know, but I want to. God knows why.” Leonard sighed, feeling his heart hurt seeing a slight smile appearing on Jim’s face- not a sad smile this time, but a sincere one. “Before you leave, you’re gonna tell me the truth, that’s all I ask.”

Jim sighed. “We’ll see about that,” he said, running until they were few blocks away from the shop and back on the main street.

“So what’s your plan B? Where are we going?” Leonard asked trying to keep up, almost crashing against him when he suddenly stopped behind a corner. 

“There,” Jim said, pointing ahead.

“Inside the park?” Leonard asked staring at the Central Park of San Francisco, just meters away. He has been in there with his family few times: the park was huge, but there was only a museum inside, and the river all around the west side. “That’s a dead end. Are you planning to escape with a boat or something?” he asked following him, crossing the street.

Jim wasn’t listening and, once at the gates, he found it close. “Damn it…” 

“Maybe there’s another-“ Leonard jumped and covered his ears at the sudden explosion of a gunshot, turning around just to see a hole in the large lock of the gate. “A little warning next time?!” 

“I’m a bit in a hurry...” 

"And you just alerted all the police." He snorted, lowering his arms.

"They know I'm armed, so they'll wait for the special force before rushing here."

“Well, sorry, _Captain_.” Leonard commented with sarcasm, noticing how Jim suddenly froze and stared at him. “So you really are in the army… A Captain, huh?” 

Jim looked away, trying to compose himself before pushing the gate open. “What about you?” He asked.

“What about me?” 

“You've never been in the army? As a doctor?” 

“Huh- No... I got called during few emergencies in the past, but- not on the battlefield… My father did. He spent years in Africa…” 

“And you didn’t follow his steps?” 

“Kind of difficult, since I hate flying…” He answered, and saw that expression appearing on Jim’s face again. “Really, why you keep giving me that look?” 

“What look?” 

“As if you want to cry and shoot me at the same time.” 

Jim just kept pushing the gate open, “It must be your imagination.” 

“Sure…” The other said, shaking his head. “Jim, listen, I was serious before. I don’t know why you're doing this, but-” 

“Please, not again...” He groaned, finally opening the gate enough to squeeze through. 

“Maybe you could-” 

“I could **what**?!” Jim harshly interrupted, looking at him through the bars. “Look, I appreciate your help, but I’m not your problem anymore. You’re free, remember? All you have to do is go back to your family.” He said staring at him. “Just go.” He added, proceeding deeper into the park. 

“ _Just go_?" Leonard scoffed in disbelief. "Hey! That’s all you have to say? Really??” he snapped, following him inside.

Jim stopped and looked back, dropping his shoulders. “Are you serious right now?” 

“You still owe me a damn explanation, so don't _just go_ me, because I'm not going anywhere!” 

“You really want the police to find you with me?!” 

“Then just tell me the truth so I can leave!” 

“You didn’t care about the truth before!” 

“Well, I do now!”

“Watch out!” Jim jumped on him while bullets started to fly around them, the gunshots echoing in the night like an army was marching against them. 

"They were going to wait for the special force, isn't it?" Leonard yelled covering his head with both arms, noticing a pained expression on Jim's face, and blood on the hand he was keeping on his stomach. “You got shot?” 

“We have to move!” Jim said standing and dragging him into the woods. Once far enough, he crashed against a tree, letting out a muffled cry of pain. 

“Let me see.” Leonard said moving next to him.

“We don’t have time…” 

“Let me check your stomach is not going to fall out, first, ok?” the doctor insisted and pulled his shirt up: a bullet hit Jim on his side, blood was flowing out, but he also noticed his torso has been bandaged already, for other unknown reasons. “Jim, you need to go to the hospital.” 

“No, I don’t.” 

“You got shot and the bullet is still inside. I can’t-” 

“I’ll deal with it,” Jim huffed moving him away to stand, pressing a hand on the fabric covering the wound while the police officers were running and screaming behind them. They proceeded as fast as Jim could until they got out of the woods and into the courtyard in front of the museum. Once at the bottom of the stairs, Jim slowed down and crashed on it in pain, as the other hurried to help.

“Jim, listen to me-“ 

“I rather not.” 

“I can’t help you! You’re going to die!” 

“Can’t say I wasn’t expecting that to happen.” 

Leonard was kneeling next to him, feeling so confused and conflicted. “Shut up and hold on, maybe- maybe I have something...To stop the bleeding.” He said, nervously checking inside every pocket of his jacket, placing the few objects he found on the stairs.

Jim sighed, then his eyes moved down, noticing something. He slowly took the plasters decorated with the stars on and stared at them. 

"Can't stop the bleeding with those, sorry," Leonard commented, still checking. “My daughter put them in my suit before I left. Never thought she could be so stealthy… Ok, look, I don’t have any-“ looking back at Jim, he saw him staring intently at the patches- it was the same look he saw at the coffee shop. 

“You have to go. Now.” Jim said, leaving the patched on the stairs, sounding as if he was forcing the words out.

“But-“ 

“Just tell the police what happened. That you don't know me, and that-" Jim swallowed down to keep his voice stable, "that you have nothing to do with me." 

"Jim-" 

"Don't get involved in my problems, ok? You’ll be fine- and your family will be fine too.” 

Leonard refused to move, staring at him for a long moment before asking, “Why did you do it?” 

“Can you just-” 

“Tell me why you killed that man!” For some reason, Leonard _needed_ to know the truth. “Please.” 

Jim looked down, but he eventually started talking, “I followed him for months... This was the last chance to kill him before- before he could hurt a friend of mine. All I have done was to keep him safe.” 

Leonard's shoulders dropped, as Jim’s eyes shined of tears. 

“I had to kill him, or- he was going to find him, and I couldn’t let that happen. Not after everything he did for me,” Jim continued. “He’s safe now, and that’s all that matters.” 

“Then we just have to tell the police about it. Tell them the truth, that your friend was in danger…” Leonard said, but the other was already shaking his head. “If that’s true, you- Jim, you did it to save your friend’s life. You took a damn bullet for him! I’m sure he will testify for you!” 

Jim smiled a bit. “I’m sure he would,” he murmured, hissing in pain while sitting better, “I answered your questions. Now, please, go away.” 

Leonard didn't move, staring at him, not sure of what to do- and then he heard that beeping sound again. “Tell me your friend’s name. I can try to contact him-“

“Ah- better not. It would hurt too much seeing him,” Jim grinned again, taking a shattered breath. “My job- my mission is over.” 

“What you mean? What- why did you wanted to come here?” Leonard saw him standing up and grabbing the gun from his back, staring at it, and alarms started ringing inside his mind. “Jim, what are you going to do?” he asked standing as well, just in time to catch him into his arms when he fell forward. 

“Sorry,” Jim murmured. “I’m sorry…” he repeated, silently starting to cry against his shoulder, moving an arm around his neck. 

Leonard felt him hugging him tightly, and he slowly did the same. “Jim-“ he tried to say something, but a sudden punch in the face sent him flying on the ground with a gasp of pain and surprise. Sitting up, passing a hand over his cheek, he saw the other shooting the lock of the museum’s entrance and moving inside. “Wait!” he reached the door at the same time Jim blocked it, making a large statue fall against it on the other side. “Jim, open the door!” he yelled watching him through the glass decorations in the wooden door. “We can still explain everything to the police! You don’t have to do this!” 

Jim was keeping a hand over the wound, blood all over his hand and trousers while heading to the stairs. 

“Wait- Jim, don’t go!” Leonard called again, trying to push the door open, and saw him stop, but without turning around. 

Jim didn’t move for a long moment, but eventually walked away, disappearing in the darkness inside the museum. 

“Damn it!” Leonard roared, trying to get the door open again and again, until his shoulder started to hurt and only then he stopped, breathless. He looked up, slowly stepping back, almost falling down the stairs, confused and shocked, and scared to hear one last gunshot echoing from the building. 

“Stop right there!” 

“Don’t move!” 

He jumped and turned around, finding police officers reversing in the courtyard. “He- he’s inside,” he said raising his arms, “You need to stop him! He is going to-“ 

A lighting suddenly illuminated the whole park, and a loud thunder cracked through the black sky above the museum, blinding everyone. 

Leonard shielded his eyes with an arm until the light started fading. He heard multiple alarms going off from all over the city, and then noticing smoke and flames rising from the roof of the museum. 

When one of the agents grabbed and forced him down on his knees, Leonard kept staring at the building, hoping that Jim was still alive… Hoping for a chance to see him again, just one more time.

**\- . - . -**

Jim crashed on the floor, rolling a few times, the light all around him too bright to allow him to open his eyes yet, but he somehow knew where he was.

Slowly pushing on his elbows, he groaned in pain grasping the gunshot wound in his side. Looking back, he could barely see a figure appearing in the white light emanating from inside the Abyss: the figure stared at him for a moment before fading, as the light started doing the same, allowing him to distinguish the rest of the place: the temple of Rime-77. 

Then, Jim saw Marie appearing few feet from him, sitting on the floor, her slim body shaking under the white dress, while her hair, once colored of a deep brown, were now white and shining as much as her eyes when she looked up. 

Breathing hard, she was keeping her hands on the floor for balance, her arms shaking. “I’m sorry,” she whispered before disappearing. Only then, the doors finally opened. 

“He’s hurt!” 

“Quick, call the doctors!” 

“Where’s Marie?!”

Jim just sat there until someone crouched in front of him, grabbing him by the shoulders, and he found Spock staring worriedly at him- almost scared. “I did it… I killed him.” Jim told him with a slight smile. “Leonard is safe… I saw him, Spock…” 

“Jim, you-“ 

“I talked to him. He… He’s fine…” He continued, the smile slowly cracking. 

Nyota reached them, followed by Chekov and Scott that stayed behind, both as much worried as Spock was. 

“He doesn’t remember anything. Nothing at all, just like Marie said…” 

“Jim, you need to lay down.” 

“He’s safe, but... I had to leave him behind…” Jim said before his voice broke and he leaned against the Vulcan that promptly held him secure into his arms, sharing his pain. 

Nyota slowly sat next to them and silently placed a hand on Spock’s back, her eyes watery as well, as the rest of crew respectfully looked down, while more people urged into the Temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explanatory chapter coming next.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep breath* (edit.) Two more to go.

_“I should have known…”_

_“Captain, this is not-“_

_“I knew the meeting wasn’t going to end well. I knew it, but I let Bones join us anyway.”_

_“He was the one informed of the facts. He needed to be there and tell them the truth.”_

_“The truth?” Jim yelled, suddenly stopping in the courtyard in front of the Council’s building, the core of Rime-73. “You think that’s what they wanted to hear? From us, of all people?! They would have never believed him- and guess what? They kicked all of us out again!”_

_“The Council is more likely worried about the consequences they will have to face if what Doctor McCoy said will be confirmed to be true.”_

_“That’s why the Elders aren't going to admit anything. It’s Leonard and a group of kids’ word against them.”_

_“Kids, yes, but they belong here. Furiel may not believe us, but what about his own son? The people they always proclaimed to care immensely about?”_

_Jim silently held his gaze before looking around the main square of the city for a moment. “They already told us to leave their planet twice, Spock. How am I supposed to meet the Council again and ask for more time because our Doctor is hiding somewhere on their lands? The same Doctor that called their Gods_ bloody murderers.”

 _“Starting a manhunt without their consent it would be quite reckless, considering the situation.”_

_“More than admitting that Bones is trying to destroy them? Because I’m starting to think that was his plan all along.”_

_Spock stared at the mountain not too far, on the west, before meeting his eyes again. “I think the Doctor is trying to do what he thinks is right.”_

_Jim stared at him in surprise. “And since when you approve the_ 'act now, think later' _strategy?”_

_“Since a friend suggested me to follow my instinct more than my brain. Despite how illogical that sounds.”_

_The Captain sighed, unable to hide a little smile. “We’re talking about Bones, here, Spock. He’s not the type to run straight into the fire without thinking…”_

_“Unless for a good reason.”_

_Jim felt a cold shiver ran down his spine- then someone was calling for him, and he saw Furiel leaving the building and approach them. “We’re not here to fight, ok? We just-“_

_“I think you and your men are telling the truth.” He nervously interrupted. The people of Rime-73 were tall and elegant in everything, from their manners to their pastel, long clothes, so seeing Furiel so distressed, with his long black hair messily tied low on his back, it was almost scary. “We talked with the Elders…”_

_The other two were speechless for a second before Jim started, “You all were ready to burn us alive a moment ago, and now-“_

_“They kids are gone,” Furiel ungently said, “and when we asked the Elders to let us look for them in the Temple, they- they refused.”_

_Jim swallowed down. "You mean the kids that asked Leonard for help, don't you?" He asked, rage slowly burning into his chest._

_Furiel just sighed. “Captain, I understand your resentment, but…”_

_“There's no time for that, now,” Jim cut him off. “Doctor McCoy is missing too. He clearly was expecting repercussions on those kids after our last meeting...”_

_“He’s missing?” Furiel asked. “You think he could be with the kids?”_

_“I don’t know, but we will look for him. For all of them. We-“ Jim was interrupted as the ground started shaking and all three of them looked at the mountain, a little light shining high through the trees. “What’s that?”_

_Furiel was pale as sheet. “Oh no…”_

_“What is that light?” Jim asked again, angrier._

_“That tower lights up during the ritual.” Furiel explained, looking at him in pure terror._

_“Captain.” Spock warned, looking behind them: three of the missing kids were running down the street._

_“Lyan!” Furiel quickly reached for the boy that smiled and gasped a “Father!” before hugging him. “What happened, son? Where are the others?”_

_“The guards wanted to take us to the Temple, but Doctor McCoy help us escape,” one of the girls said, brushing tears away from her cheeks._

_“Where is he now?” Jim asked, stepping forward._

_“He followed them to the Temple… To save the others,” Lyan said, still into his father’s arm. “Marie was with him. She wants to stop the ritual before it’s too late.”_

_“Too late?” Spock frowned._

_Furiel looked at Jim and he knew that look. “Captain…”_

_“And you called him a liar…” Jim murmured coldly, shaking his head._

_“The Elders lied to everyone,” Furiel said, letting his son down, “We couldn’t-“_

_“Yes, you **could**. You could have stopped this, but you all were so scared you just let them take your kids away without doing anything!”_

_“Thoese are the rules- our faith…”_

_“Your faith was based on murder, plain and simple!”_

_“That is not what our belief was about! We’d never-”_

_“If only one of you would have spared a second to-!” Jim was stepping forward, but Spock’s hand on his arm make him stop and turn around. He saw him slightly shaking his head and, following his gaze, he saw Lyan and the other kids silently crying, eyes down. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down._

_“We will deal with our mistakes later,” Furiel said, giving a weak smile at his son when he timidly grasped on his gray tunic. “Now there’s something more important to do. Those kids has to be saved.”_

_“Leonard will protect them.” Jim said coldly. "Unlike their own people.”_

_Furiel held his gaze until he heard yelling from the building and saw more soldier running inside, swords in hand. “It begins…” he murmured, and then looked at the two humans. “Go to the Temple. I’ll send help as soon as possible.”_

_Jim nodded once and start running to the forest with Spock. “Call Sulu. Tell him to be ready to evacuate us on my command.” He ordered and heard Spock obey. Keeping his eyes on the light coming from the Temple, his bad feeling was getting stronger by the second._

_The ground was constantly shaking when they finally reached the Temple. Jim stared at the large, white building that was the religious center of Rime-73, and noticed someone laying on the ground before the entrance. “Bones!”_

_Leonard was keeping a hand against his head, turning a pained look at them. “We- we need to go inside…”_

_“Bones, what the hell-!”_

_“They took Marie and dragged her inside with two other kids! They-“ he tried to stand, but promptly lost his balance._

_Jim was quick enough to hold him, while Spock moved to the Temple’s door, locked shut. “Why you come here by yourself?! I told you to-_

_“There was no time!”_

_“The entrance is blocked.” Spock said turning to them._

_“We need to find another way in,” the Doctor said moving away from the Captain._

_“Bones, you- can you just stop for a second?!”_

_“They’re going to kill them, we can’t-“_

_“ **I am** going to kill you if you don’t listen to me!" Jim yelled back, "You're not thinking straight about this whole situation since the very beginning! I know it’s terrible and I know we have to help, but you’re not making it easier for anyone!”_

_“I know, but Marie said-“_

_“I don’t care what she said! You’ll get yourself killed if you don’t-“_

_“They’re not lying about the Gods, Jim! They- it’s real.”_

_Jim blinked, taken aback. “What?”_

_“I know I was the one hating on them-“_

_“You’re the one that told me to report the Federation about what is happening here and now you believe them?!”_

_“I saw it!” Leonard admitted. “Marie showed me. She’s not a witch as they say. She survived the ritual ten years ago and now she- she’s connected to the Gods somehow. That’s why the Elders banned her from the town and told everyone to not talk to her because- Jim, if she’s telling the truth, the situation is way worse than we thought.”_

_Jim was still trying to elaborate the new information when Spock moved closer to intervene, asking, “What do you mean?”_

_“She said that it’s true that there’s a portal in this Temple, into the Abyss, that connect them to the Gods, but they are praying, and sacrificing people for the wrong one- an evil one, and the Elders didn’t tell anyone.”_

_“And I think you hit your head harder than I thought.” Jim cut short._

_“You really think I would change my mind just like that? After what I saw down there?” Leonard insisted angrily._

_“You told me there were no Gods in that hole!”_

_“Because no one has been killed for months! The sacrifice requires blood! Jim…“ he continued when the Captain just scoffed, shaking his head and looking away. “I know it’s hard to believe, especially coming from me, but the Elders lied to everyone for almost a century. These people have no idea of what is happening-“ he stopped as the ground vibrated stronger than before._

_Jim stared at the Doctor for a moment, at how he was pleading with his eyes to believe him. “You said Marie showed you... What did you see that make you believe this- absurd story?”_

_“It’s hard to explain, but **she is** connected to the Gods,” he just repeated._

_“That’s it?”_

_“I… I talked with her, ok? Or, with_ him. _I- I don’t know…” Leonard breathed out, while the other blinked in surprise._

_“You are telling me that you actually talked to a God?” Jim asked in disbelief._

_“It wasn’t planned, alright? Next time I’ll invite you!” he shot back nervously. “It only said that the sacrifices have to stop. That none of this should have ever happened.” Leonard saw the Captain looking at Spock and then down. “Ok, fine, don’t believe me, but we can't just-”_

_“It’s because I believe you that I’m still here,” Jim said looking up at him with a serious expression, and the doctor just held his gaze, waiting._

_“Despite our doubts, there are people inside the Temple that needs our help.” Spock said._

_“Can’t argue with that,” Jim confirmed, and Leonard nodded. “Mister Sulu, Kirk here. We need a quick transport, if you don’t mind.”_

_"We have to beam you up, Captain?” was the answer coming from the communicator._

_“Not yet. Around three meters north from our actual location should do.” Jim said and sighed at the hesitant, yet positive answer he got. He then met Leonard’s eyes again, “Since the parts are inverted this time… Don’t do anything stupid, alright, Bones?” he said and the doctor smiled a bit before all three of them disappeared._

_Once inside the Temple, just a few seconds later, all three were welcomed by energy so strong it pushed them backward and on the floor. Jim groaned and slowly stood, eyes wide open at the scene in front of them: the large hole on the floor, the Abyss, was emanating a red, dark light from the inside; an altar was suspended halfway into that creepy light, and there was standing Marie, keeping the two kids against her body, while five guards were blocking their only way to escape._

_“They’re going to kill all of them!” Leonard said, standing next to him._

_“Not if we stop them first,” Jim yelled into the energy that was still trying to push them back, as strong as a tornado. “Come on!”_

_All three of them moved forward as fast as they could, but when one of the guards spotted them the fight was inevitable: Spock was the first to engage the combat with two, while the second guard attacked Leonard, pushing him on the ground until the doctor managed to punch him and Jim kicked him away, helping the other to stand. “We’ll deal with them, you take the kids away from the altar!” Jim said, pushing him away from the fight._

_“Don’t let anyone fall into the Abyss!” Leonard said before running away, noticing another guard moving against Marie._

_“No- stay away!” Marie was screaming as the guard grabbed one kid by his skinny arm. She jumped on him, putting an arm around his neck, yelling to let him go._

_Leonard managed to reach them before losing his balance and successfully grabbing the guard by the legs, making him and Marie fall as well. The Doctor then jumped forward just in time to grab the kid by the shirt, pulling him away from the edge and to safety into his arms. Turning around, he kicked the guard that was standing up again, making him roll down and away from the altar._

_“Go now- to the exit,” Leonard told the poor, scared kid, “It's gonna be fine. Now go!” He pushed him away and could only hope for the best because he heard a scream and saw another guard pushing the second kid away from Marie before stabbing her into the stomach with a dagger. He ran to help, but the man saw him and pulled the dagger out, letting the woman fall on the floor, blood flowing all over her dress._

_The kid still in his grasp suddenly grabbed his arm and bit hard on it, making the guard yell and lose the weapon before shoving him off._

_Leonard took the chance and knock him out as well, throwing the man down the altar. “Good job, kid… Go now, to the exit!” he said, helping him stand._

_“W- what about Marie?"_

_“I’ll take care of her. Go!” he insisted and the kid nodded, running away. Kneeling next to her, he already knew the wound was too deep to do anything._

_She smiled a bit. “You- kept your promise, Doctor… You saved them.”_

_“Don’t say that yet,” he sighed._

_When one of the guard on the floor tried to stand and stop the second kid, Spock blocked his arm and squeezed it hard before knocking him out for good. A moment later, the earthquake got stronger, and the Vulcan turned around, “Captain!”_

_“I know!” Jim yelled back while pushing the last, unconscious guard off of him and looked at the altar while standing up, “Bones, we gotta move!”_

_“Come on,” he said helping Marie to stand but she cried out and shook her head, her long brown hair swirling into the wind._

_“It’s too late,” she murmured with a sad voice. “I failed… I started the ritual myself.”_

_“It needed blood...” he murmured watching her wound, and the blood dripping from the altar, down into the Abyss. “Damn it.”_

_“Take them away, please,” she insisted, “It’s my duty… I have to-“_

_“No, it’s not. No one has to die anymore.” He insisted and took another step, but then saw Jim and Spock both staring at them with eyes wide open. Leonard frowned, but then realized they were looking_ behind them _, from where he could hear a low growling. Sounds that make him shiver, coming from deep into the Abyss._

 _“We let that- monster into this world...” Marie sighed. “I have to-”_

_“Marie,” he interrupted. “I said, **no one**.” He finished, holding her gaze._

_“Bones, come on!” Jim yelled but then he and Spock both were pushed back by the strong energy again, rolling on the floor until they hit against the walls._

_Leonard saw the whole Temple getting darker, and the air heavier, all around them. He could suddenly feel eyes studying him, along with that low growling that was now stronger._

_“It will kill us both if I don’t jump.” Marie said. “My people know the truth, now. They’ll find a way to stop it... That is all that matters.”_

_“Your God said no more sacrifices, then why it needs yours?”_

_Marie’s eyes were wet, but before she could answer, she gasped, as shadows appeared on the altar, as dark tentacles that suddenly moved around her legs, pulling, and dragging them both over the edge._

_Leonard managed to hold on one of the pillars of the altar but had to use both hands, feeling Marie’s arms around his neck._

_“It’s alright,” Marie said into his ear. “Thank you.”_

_“No-!” he stretched out an arm when she let go, but all he grasped was air, watching her disappear into the dark, red light. Breathing hard, still in disbelief, Leonard looked away and slowly started to climb back up, but then something grabbed his leg too. Looking down, he froze watching the gigantic, evil creature waiting at the bottom- something he would have defined as anything but a God. “Don’t you had enough already?!” He screamed at it._

_“Bones!” Jim called trying to get closer, unable to see clearly through the light surrounding the Abyss that was still pushing them back._

_“I KNOW!” Leonard yelled, but the creature had no intention of letting him go. “You’re gonna- have to do better than this if you want my goddamn blood…” he said hugging the pillar with both arms, letting out a cry of pain as the hold around his ankle got tighter, and more similar to a hand, pulling him down. Leonard bumped his forehead against the cold marble, closing his eyes, refusing to look down._

_“Can we beam him out of there?” Jim asked Spock as they both stood few steps from the altar._

_“I don’t get any signal in here.” The Vulcan said shaking his head._

_“Then we have to take him away from there ourselves!”_

_“Captain,” Spock stopped him by his shoulder when he tried to proceed, “I wouldn’t suggest a direct approach.”_

_Jim followed his gaze and noticed as the shining barrier all around the Abyss was so powerful, it was starting to melt the floor. “We can’t just-“ he stopped when the light suddenly became stronger and a loud screech came from the depth of the Abyss._

_Leonard shut his eyes even tighter until he felt the hold around his leg weakening. Daring to look down, he noticed a little, white sparkle in the middle of the dark red. Unsure, he flinched when the spark exploded and white streaks expanded into the whole Abyss as fast as a wave hitting the shore. He turned his head the other way and waited for whatever was going to happen- and jumped when a hand placed on his arm. Looking up, eyes half closed because of the light, he saw Marie crouched in front of him, her eyes bright white._

_Leonard swallowed down and accepted the help, climbing back up on the altar. “You- you’re not Marie?” he asked, but got no response. “Is she alright?”_

_She kept staring, and then raised a hand, protecting both from the darkness that suddenly surrounded them._

_Leonard fell down, looking around in terror: he couldn’t see anything: it was pure, black darkness outside the little bubble the God just created. “It’s not over yet, isn’t it?”_

_Marie smiled, even so slightly, before her whole body started to shine. “It is.” She said, but it was as if different voices were speaking, both males and females._

_The explosion of light made Jim and Spock fall on the ground again. Sitting up, they found a shining veil still lingering in the air, and then the barrier was gone, and Leonard was laying on the altar. “Bones…!” Jim called running towards him._

_“ 'fine... I’m fine…“ Leonard coughed while sitting up, looking around, “I think.”_

_“Good, then let’s get out of here,” Jim quickly helped him to stand and suddenly there was another explosion from the bottom of the Abyss that made them both fall and roll way too close to the edge of the altar. “What- the hell is that?”_

_Leonard followed his gaze, down below, where screeches and flashes were making the whole Temple tremble. “Just Gods fighting,” He said, and the Captain sighed at him before they felt the altar cracking under their feet._

_“We have to go!” Spock yelled from afar, the two kids attached at his waist for dear life._

_“We got the signal back?” Jim asked, moving to leave, but then heard Leonard gasping, letting out a scared_ “Shit-!” _and, turning around, he saw him being dragged away, over the edge. Jumping forward, Jim managed to grab his arm. “What is that?!” he yelled watching a shadow, shaped as a tentacle, around the Doctor’s leg._

_“A God that doesn’t know when it’s time to give up, that’s what!” Leonard roared trying to pull himself up, noticing a large crack appearing on the side of the altar._

_“Hang on-!” Jim yelled, but found himself being dragged away over the edge- and then there was Spock grabbing his arm, holding both of them by himself. Half of the altar trembled and jumped again, and he knew it was just a matter of time before the collapse._

_“I think Marie is fighting the evil entity out of this world!” Spock said._

_“Thanks for the info, Mr. Spock!” Jim angrily shot back. Looking down, he saw the white light slowly covering the red while the loud screeches continued._

_Leonard was going to say something, but the shadow pulled him harder and now Spock was almost sitting on the floor, holding on the pillar with a hand._

_“Ugh- damn it-" Jim grasped tightly on Leonard’s wrist before the wall crumbled under his foot and then they were both suspended into the void, with only Spock supporting them._

_Leonard stared at the bottom. “It’s taking too long…” he said before looking up._

_A strong earthquake hit again and Spock groaned as he tried to resist._

_“Jim, we’re all going down if you don’t let go!” Leonard screamed._

_“You don’t have anything better to say?!” he yelled, “She’s gonna make it- we’re gonna make it, so don’t-“ he looked down at him, and suddenly knew the doctor was serious. “Don’t give me that look! She's gonna make it!”_

_Half of the altar bent on one side, ready to crack in two pieces._

_“Who’s not thinking straight right now?!” Leonard roared. “This thing is falling apart!”_

_“It won’t!” Jim angrily said, and then fear quickly bloomed into his heart as he saw him letting go from his arm. “Bones- 'the hell are you doing?!”_

_“You’re not gonna die because of me, kid.” He snorted with a little smile._

_“ **Take my hand! It’s an order!”** ” Jim screamed as Leonard kept slipping from his grasp._

_Spock was looking down as well, and saw the doctor meeting his eyes, nodding even so slightly while the Captain kept yelling. Spock felt the exact moment Leonard was gone, and moved a second later, pushing Jim and himself back, jumping from the falling side of the altar just in time, landing hard on the floor of the Temple._

_Pushing up on his elbows, Jim quickly looked at the Abyss: nothing happened for a long moment, and then another explosion, stronger this time, forced him to look down until the light started to fade. Breathing hard, he looked at Spock for a second before standing and running to edge, shielding his eyes with a hand from the light shining from the bottom. His eyes kept darting side to side while he stood there, immobile and in silence, his heart beating so fast it almost hurt. He kept waiting, knowing that Leonard would have come back; that Marie- or whatever she was, has saved him and they were both going to reappear soon..._

_It felt like ages, and then Jim finally heard someone. Turning around, he was ready to scream at the doctor what a reckless bastard he was, but there was only Marie sitting on the floor._

_“Marie… Marie, are you alright?” The two kids asked moving closer to her._

_She nodded weakly at them, and then turned to Jim, her eyes normal again, but her voice died before even trying to say something._

_“Where is he?” Jim asked, his voice so harsh and angry that made the kids jump._

_She didn’t answer._

_“You jumped before him- where is he?” Jim continued, “Why you didn’t bring him back?!”_

_“I couldn’t... We tried, but…” Marie said, looking at him with a sad expression, eyes watery. “No one can bring him back. Not even a God.”_

 

 _It was night when Furiel arrived at the Temple, a few guards right behind him, while citizens, along with other members of the Council of Rime, were already there. He told everyone to wait while he climbed the stairs and stopped at the top, watching with mild stupor the golden, high doors opening slowly, just enough to show bits of the inside, and then Spock heading towards him. “The others told me what happened…” He started, but the Vulcan just looked down. Furiel took a deep breath and continued, “Where is the Captain?”_

_“I’m afraid he is not available at the moment.” Was Spock’s cold answer._

_“I understand. If there’s something we can do…”_

_“Give the Captain the time he needs. That’s all I ask of you.” He said, voice low, and the other just nodded._

_Nyota appeared in the clearing in front of the Temple just then, and quickly spotted him. “Spock, are you alright? Where are the others?” she asked once standing next to him, noticing the Temple’s doors open. “Is Jim alright?” she asked moving to enter, but he gently stopping her, shaking his head, and she realized something was wrong with his face. “Spock, what happened?”_

_Meanwhile, inside the Temple the air was colder, little sparks still lingering in the large room now illuminated by the soft, white light coming from the bottom of the Abyss._

_Jim was pacing back and forth in front of the remains of the altar, watching Marie standing there with her arms stretched forward, eyes closed. He waited until she breathed out and took a step back. Only then, he stopped and moved closer._

_“I can't feel him…”_

_“Great.” Jim barked, voice as cold as ice. “It has been easy killing people in here for years, and now it’s a problem saving one?” he continued, but then turned around, finding Spock and Nyota approaching. “Out.”_

_“Captain-“ he started._

_“I asked you to take care of the Council. I’ll take care of this.”_

_“They’re all outside- Furiel is here too...” Nyota said, worry clear into her voice._

_“If I see any of them getting in here, I’m gonna throw them into this damn hole myself.” Jim cut short, and she just sighed, staying quiet._

_“Any news?” Spock asked, looking at Marie._

_“The news are that Leonard is lost somewhere into another dimension and apparently not even a God can save him. Isn’t that all?” Jim interjected, sending a cold glare at Marie. “The news is that they wanted a sacrifice, and they fucking got one.”_

_“No one wanted Leonard to sacrifice himself for us.” Marie shot back, as angry as he was._

_“Then why he’s the only one not being here?”_

_“Jim,” Spock moved forward, raising a hand to keep him back while he asked Marie, “You said Leonard is stuck into another dimension… So he’s not dead?”_

_“I’m not sure… I hope he is.”_

_“YOU HOPE?!” Jim roared, as the Vulcan kept holding him back._

_“If he is still alive and we can’t reach him- if we can't save him... That would be much worse,” Marie explained._

_Jim narrowed his eyebrows, “Are you saying that if we can’t save him, he’s going to be stuck in there for the rest of his life?” and when she didn’t answer, he just wanted to scream. “I’ll be dead before letting that happen, you hear me? You’ll evoke all your damn Gods if you have to!”_

_“You think I wouldn’t give my life to save Leonard if I could?” Marie shot back, tears forming into her eyes. “I accepted my fate twice already! If my sacrifice would be enough to bring him back to you, I would do it again!” She screamed, and then her body jumped as hit by something and she fell on her knees._

_Nyota moved to help but stopped as soon as she was back on her feet on her own._

_Marie’s eyes were white again, and her voice blending with others. “I understand your pain, Captain, but Marie is not the one to blame. I tried my best to save your friend, but there is nothing I can do to bring him back into this world.”_

_Jim swallowed down and moved in front of the other two, not going to step back- not even in front of a God. “Then **we** will. You just have to open the way for us, and-” _

_“Whatever goes through the Abyss is not part of this world anymore.” She said, shaking her head. “Your friend’s existence disappeared the moment he fell into it. Is like he never-“_

_“You better not finish that sentence,” Jim stopped her, “because if you do, I swear I’m gonna destroy this whole planet by myself!” Spock moved next to him but said nothing. “Maybe you don’t care about all the people that died here, but he did! Leonard saw what was happening and decided to save these people, so don’t talk like he means nothing, because he’s the one that saved your ass!”_

_Marie stayed silent for a moment, then bowed his head even so slightly. “I am sorry if my words hurt you. My intention was to help you understand that despite how much you want to save your friend, you can’t. Nothing can be taken back from the Abyss because nothing really exist in it.”_

_“But you just said- Marie said that Leonard is stuck into a different dimension. If we have one chance to save him-“_

_“There was only one chance, and I already took it.” She explained. “I tried to save what was left of him before it was too late, and find another place for him.”_

_“Another place? What that means?” Nyota asked, confused. “You said no one could save him…”_

_“Not in his form, but I managed to save… I think is what you define as_ soul _.”_

_“His soul…?” Jim echoed._

_Marie nodded. “All I could do was find a different point in time and space where his existence wouldn’t have caused any alterations.”_

_“And you already took him there?” Jim asked, “Into another world?”_

_“It was the only way to save him.” She nodded. “I helped him reborn in a new form and-“_

_“Wait- a new form?” Jim stopped her, confused._

_“His existence as Leonard McCoy of this world was over. To be allowed into a new life, I had to give him a one…” She said, a bit confused by how they were staring._

_“So he already is a different person…” Spock murmured._

_“He won’t remember anything about this world? About us?” Nyota asked, her voice barely a whisper._

_Marie shook her head. “Unfortunately, no. I couldn’t-“_

_“Leave us,” Jim said, eyes down on the floor._

_“Captain-“_

_“ **Out. Both of you.** ” _

_Spock took a deep breath and shared a look with Nyota before they walked away, the golden doors closing behind them._

_Marie kept her eyes on the Captain, but no one talked for a long moment._

_“So he_ is _dead,” Jim said in the end, voice flat. “He was dying and you finished the job.”_

_“The person you knew died the moment he fell into the Abyss,” Marie explained again. “I am sorry for taking such a decision by myself, but it was all I could do for him before it was too late.”_

_Jim could feel his hands starting to shake, so he closed them into tight fists._

_“Despite what you may think, I am aware that I owe Leonard McCoy my freedom,” The God said, “and the least I could do was allow him to have the time me and my brother took away from him.”_

_“Your brother?”_

_“The God I fought in the Abyss.” She nodded. “With Marie’s help, and I was able to leave the cage he locked me into for so long. He tricked these people into worshiping him, asking for their lives, and their blood…” Marie shook her head, closing her eyes as in pain. “Protect your friend as long as needed will be my first step, trying to make amend for my brother’s mistakes.”_

_“Protect him? Protect him from what?” Jim asked, and saw her look down, a dark expression on her face. “You said he’s safe- you just said you saved him!”_

_“I did, but my brother was attached to him when he fell. Somehow, he managed to follow into the world I choose for your friend.”_

_“You mean he’s with him? Your evil brother followed Leonard there?”_

_“Yes, but he is weak. He lost most of his power during the fight…”_

_“But he still could go after Leonard.”_

_“I will do everything in my power to protect him, Captain, you have my word.”_

_“You really expect me to believe you?” Jim shot back, and she silently held his gaze. “No… No, your brother has to be stopped.”_

_“That is my intention. I will-“_

_“No. I have to do it.”_

_Marie frowned. “That is not possible. As I said-“_

_“And I told you I’ll never believe you.” He continued. “He was- Leonard is part of my crew. He’s my friend, and if he is… If he’s not coming back, the least **I** can do is make sure he’s safe.” _

_“What are you asking is-“_

_“I don’t care if I’ll die. You’ll find a way to bring me where Leonard is and I’ll kill your brother.” Jim insisted, eyes shining of tears he refused to let fall. “Call your whole family of Gods if you need to, but you will take me there, and I'll make sure nothing and no one will hurt him.”_

_Marie studied him for a long moment and then said, “I can’t promise you to survive the journey.”_

_“It doesn’t matter. I want- I need to see that he’s fine. I need to-” Jim stopped, swallowing down the urge to scream. He kept repeating himself that it wasn’t the time- that it wasn’t over yet. “You’ll take me to him. Whatever it takes.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally giving this fic the time it needed, fixing and editing turned chapter 5 almost as long as a stand-alone fic, so I decided to cut it in two. That will make the last check easier, and also it will allow me to update because, damn, it's been a long time.

_Whatever it takes…_

_“- Jim, don’t go!”_

 

Jim woke up startled in the bed, eyes open on a ceiling painted in the colors of a sunset. He stared at it in silence and unmoving for a long moment, unsure of how much of what he saw, what he has lived, was real… Or if he was still alive.

Sitting up, he pulled the white shirt he was wearing but found no wounds on himself, nor other scars.

Taking a deep breath, he then looked up, surprised to find Marie sitting at the foot of his bed. They stared at each other until Jim asked, “Did I make it? Am I…? Did I come back?” 

Marie’s face was calm as she nodded. 

“Did you- your God… Did he bring Leonard back too?” 

“He wanted to, but the risk of losing both of you was too high.” 

“Then what happened? He’s...?" Jim stopped, swallowing down, trying to keep his voice even. 

“Leonard is safe,” Marie came to his help, "And we will keep watching over him.” 

Jim lowered his gaze, staring at the blanket while trying to collect his thoughts. “He seemed almost the same...” He started after a while, “You said he would be a completely different person. Why he didn’t change at all?” 

“It’s hard to tell... Memories can be erased, but- I think a part of our true self, our feelings, stay with us, no matter what.” She said, watching him grasping tightly on the blanket. “Jim,” she called gently and he looked up, “I can only imagine how hard it must have been to fulfill your mission, but I do know how it feels to lose someone you love. I can assure you, you haven't abandoned Leonard. You didn't give up on him, not even for a second." 

Jim felt his heart hurt, filled with guilt. “Then why it feels like I did?” 

Marie moved closer and took his hand into hers. “Then ask yourself, why you decided to come back?” 

Jim didn’t find the strength to answer, but probably it wasn’t necessary, because she smiled a bit, squeezing his hand one last time. 

 

Waking up for the second time, Jim found himself staring at the same ceiling, the same colors, but this time he let out a groan of pain while sitting up: checking under the shirt, he found the gunshot wound on his side covered by white bandages, along with others scars on his chest. Looking up, Marie was not in the room. 

Turning to the window, he recognized the woods of Rime-73 outside, covered by a mist as gray as the sky, and, somehow, he knew that that was real. He _did_ come back from a different world- a past version of the Earth where Leonard McCoy was going to stay for the rest of his life. 

In a burst of anger, Jim left the bed, furiously taking off the clothes the people of Rime choose for him, quickly putting the Starfleet suit back on, placed on a chair close by, leaving the jacket unbuttoned. He hasn’t felt this kind of anger in a long time. 

Opening the door, he blinked, adjusting to the daylight, before walking down the corridor bare feet. He knew that was the city’s clinic. He visited that place with Spock and- 

He froze for a second hearing voices, and then followed them until he found a little garden with no roof between the buildings, with a fountain in the middle, where a nurse was sitting, talking with a group of kids Jim quickly recognized. 

“…So, please, try to behave for now.” The nurse was saying fixing one of the kid’s tunic. 

“But we just want to say hi.” A little girl said, sitting next to her. 

“Everyone keeps saying not to disturb him...” Another one added.

“Captain Kirk needs to rest.” The woman patiently explained. “Once he wakes up, and if he will agree to, you all will be granted to visit him.” 

_Because of a bunch of kids…_ Jim’s hands clenched tightly. _Because of them, Leonard is…_

“He knows where the Doctor is?” Another kid asked, “No one wants to tell us what happened!” 

“Not even my father told me anything…” Lyan confirmed with a serious expression on his face, before turning around and smiling a bit. “Captain Kirk!” he called jumping down the fountain, but then stopped, as he saw the man sitting on the floor, back against the wall and hands hiding his face. Lyan looked at the others before the nurse stood and looked sadly at him and then at the Captain. 

“Is he crying?” the little girl whispered. 

Hesitant, Lyan decided to approach the man. “Captain Kirk, are you alright?” he asked, and the other just shook his head. Turning to the others once again, Lyan saw Marie silently standing there, next to the nurse that didn’t seem to knowledge her presence, and nodding at him. He looked back at Jim and asked, “Are you hurt?” while gently placing both hands on his arms, surprised when the man dragged him closer, as if trying to hide himself against the kid, almost making him fall over. Despite the confusion, Lyan kept staring at the Captain and decided to not move away.

 

Spock was warned about James Kirk being awake and waiting for him in the clinic’s garden later on, and the Vulcan was on his way a few seconds later. “I must insist. Your presence is not required.”

“I am aware,” Furiel said following him, “I have to intention to bother him or you in any way, but-"

“I must discuss with the Captain alone before we can-” Spock stopped as Lyan and a young girl stood in the way, blocking the access to the garden. 

“Lyan, what are you doing here?” Furiel asked while Spock spotted the Captain sitting by the fountain. 

“We protect Captain Kirk.” The little girl proudly said as the other nodded. 

“This is not the time for-“ 

“Only Spock,” Lyan stated, as his eyes softened looking at the Vulcan. “He said he wants to talk only with you.” 

Spock nodded. “Thank you,” he said before walking past them, leaving Furiel behind with his son. Slowly approaching the man, he noticed that he was bare feet, wearing the Starfleet jacket left open on the chest. “Captain?” he called standing next to him. 

Jim blinked and looked up from the floor, moving his eyes on the other just for a second. “Spock.” He saluted, his voice blank. 

“Are you alright? I thought you needed to rest-“ 

“Spock, I have to ask you a favor,” he interrupted, “and I won’t take a no as an answer.” 

“That would make it an order.” 

Jim smiled a bit, a so empty grin while he looked so tired. “I need you to take command over the Enterprise until we’ll be back home.” 

Spock was taken aback for a second, then confused. “I'm sorry, but I don't understand...?” 

“I am in no condition to fulfill my duties. That's all you need to understand.” 

“Jim, there is no need to rush any decision. We-“ 

“You’ve been in my place before,” Jim said looking at him, “and you did the same thing.” 

“That was- a different situation.” 

“It was?” 

“My ability to cope with emotions-“ 

“Spock, please…” Jim sighed.

“needed to be improved. What happened in the past made me realize how my lack of control could interfere with-” 

“Yes, and I want you in command for the same reason.” Jim interrupted, standing up. “I’m not in control of myself, Spock. I’m not. You have no idea how hard I’m trying to-“ he stopped and took a deep breath, composing himself. “I don’t want to do anything I could regret later, so I am _asking_ you to suspend me from my duty with immediate effect.” 

Spock stared at him for a moment, feeling conflicted as it rarely happened before. “I don’t see any reason to do so. You are still able to-“ 

Jim almost laughed before noticing Furiel few steps away and, when their eyes met, he slowly moved towards him. 

“Captain Kirk, I-” Furiel hoped to have more time, but a punch hit him hard in the face, sending him on the floor as the kids gasped in surprise. 

Spock quickly dragged Jim back, standing between them while few guards rushed into the garden. 

“No,” Furiel said raising a hand to stop them, “Everything's alright.” 

Spock then turned to Jim and grabbed his shoulder even stronger because he could feel his rage now, and that kind of dangerous feeling wasn't new to him. 

Jim blinked a few times before realizing he was still trying to move forward to attack. He met Spock’s glare and, even if the rage lessened so slightly, he showed no regret. “I could have stolen your gun, Spock.” He murmured coldly, refusing to even look at the weapon on his side, so easy to grab. “That’s how much control I still have. And is not gonna last for long.”

 

The Enterprise was ready to leave Rime the day after, early in the morning. When Spock arrived on the bridge, for the first time he hesitated to leave the elevator. Taking a deep breath, and stepped out and into the room that went silent, all the crewmembers watching as he walked to the Captain’s chair and slowly sitting down. After a moment, everyone turned around and back to their duties. 

Spock stayed quiet, looking at Rime-73, the green and purple-shaded planet in front of the ship. 

He then noticed Sulu and Chekov still staring at him, waiting for his command. Turning to the left, he saw Nyota doing the same, a forced, little smile on her lips. Spock thought for a second, and then pressed the communicator button to speak with the entire ship. “This is Spock speaking, temporarily assigned to the command of the Enterprise…” he started, “As you all know by now, we are going to depart from Rime-73 without a member of our crew, as a consequence of unpredictable events that took place during our stay on the planet. Events that, despite everything, could not be ignored...” his hands grasped the armrests. “Doctor Leonard McCoy couldn’t, more than any of us, and doing so he has saved the life of many people, proving himself the generous and brave man we all already knew he was.” 

The elevator opened again, and Scott joined the bridge without asking for permission, silently moving next to Uhura. 

“Justice will make its course. The Federation has been informed of the recent events, and the people of Rime agreed for a meeting, to give their explanations about it.” Spock took a brief pause. “The new Council of Rime guarantee they will take full responsibility for theirs and their predecessor’s decisions that have cost so many lives in the last years. Including our companion.” 

Spock stopped again, feeling rage burning into his chest, hoping he'd be strong enough to keep it under control. For Jim, and everyone else's sake. “None of that will bring Doctor McCoy back to us, I am very aware, but I'm sure that justice for all the victims is what he would have asked for, more than anything. He fought so hard for it, and I can only respect him and his determination. And feel sorrow, and anger, for what it cost him.” 

Nyota looked down, brushing the tears away, and Scott gently placed a hand on her shoulder, his eyes as watery as for the rest of the crew. 

Spock sat straight on the chair, trying to recompose himself. “We’ll make sure his death won’t be in vain.” He finished before closing the communication. 

Sulu met his eyes and nodded once, turning and preparing to take off; Chekov blinked the tears away before doing the same. 

The rest of the crewmembers outside the bridge that has stopped to listen to Spock’s speech slowly moved back to work. Few of them heard noises coming from James Kirk’s quarter, as objects crashing on the floor and against the walls, but no one dared to knock at his door, nor call for him, for the rest of their journey back to Earth.

**Three years later**

A weak sun was shining through white clouds and over the Starfleet Academy, welcomed after many days of rain. Spring was around the corner, but the winter was still lingering in the air.

Spock was descending the stairs with a serious expression on his face, starting to relax only once outside the Administration building. Breathing out, he looked at the campus in front of him, busy cadets walking around in the early morning, before heading to the Museum: going there at least once a day, when possible, it became a tradition for the Vulcan. 

The main hall of the museum was empty as usual at that hour of the morning, making it the quietest place of the entire Academy; Spock slowly headed to the Memorial section and wasn’t surprised to find Nyota sitting there, on one of the marble benches. 

She was dressed in casual clothes and smiled when she saw him. “Sorry, I took your spot.” 

“It is not a problem.” He said moving closer, following her gaze: they both stared at the wall in front of the bench, where a metal plaque has been placed three years before, with _In Memory of Dr. Leonard McCoy_ written on it, and a little sentence below, saying: _Bravery is putting other’s lives before ours. Leonard McCoy lived following these words until the very end._

“I start to understand why you keep coming here…” she said. “I wish I did it before.” 

Spock sat next to her. “Does it help?” 

“A bit.” She smiled slightly. “Even if a part of me hates this place…” She added, looking down.

Spock kept staring at the golden plaque on the wall for another moment, then said. “They keep asking me about the Captain. About Jim.” He corrected himself. 

“I know... They called me and Sulu as well.” 

“They did?” 

She nodded. “It’s been three years, and still no one wants to give up on him.” 

“I can’t blame them. James Kirk proved multiple times what an excellent resource he is for the Federation.”

“Then why you look so bothered about it?” 

Spock turned to her, trying to say something, but managed only on the second attempt. “As I told them, I don’t think I’m the right person to convince him to come back.” 

“If someone can do that, it’s you, Spock. They are right about that,” she said. “It’s just not what Jim wants. We all tried talking to him… Maybe it’s time for everyone to respect his decision.” 

“I do respect his decision, but they insist on saying that his place is not behind a desk... And a part of me knows they are right.” 

“We all know his place is out there, flying through the stars,” she smiled sadly, “Jim just needs to remind himself that.” 

“I wish Doctor McCoy was still here. He would know what to do.” Spock paused for a moment after that, noticing her surprise, eyes becoming a bit watery. “I am sorry. That was unnecessary.” 

Nyota took his hand and moved closer. “I wish he was here too.” She said, both of them staring at the plaque until someone coughing made them both turn to the left. 

“Didn’t mean to interrupt,” Scott said, wearing his Starfleet suit, a block-note into a hand. “Just wanted to confirm the Captain that the Enterprise has been checked and is ready to fly.” 

Spock nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Scott. Our leaving is confirmed for tomorrow, then.” 

“Yes, sir.” He waited a few seconds before asking, “Any chance Jim will join us?” 

Nyota saw him looking down, so she answered the question: “No. Not yet.” 

Scott looked apologetically at him. “Alright… Sorry for asking, but- the crew wanted to know. They keep asking for him. We all do.” He nodded again and left. 

“I should talk with Jim before leaving,” Spock said after a while. “It will be a long journey.” 

“You want me to come with you?” she asked. 

“Of course.” They both stood, but Spock took another second to stare at the plaque. Then, he heard Nyota’s gasp and quickly turned around, following her gaze, to the entrance. It took him a second to recognize the person standing there, and when he did, Spock found himself speechless. 

 

James Kirk was taking a shower when the low alarm started ringing in the bedroom, making him open his eyes, ignoring the water flowing into them until it started to burn. Rubbing both hands over his face, letting out the breath he was unconsciously holding in, he turned the water off. 

His mind was empty while toweling himself, moving into the bedroom, turning the alarm off and putting on some clothes. Jim kept staring at everything and nothing while buttoning his trousers and, bare chest, and then dried his hair. The moment he threw the towel away and looked at the room, he slowly started to reconnect to the present. 

The doorbell made him flinch and try to focus, wearing the first shirt in reach before walking into the living room, sparing a brief look at the mess of plates to wash in the kitchen’s sink. Opening the door, he and Spock stared at each other for a second. “I thought you left the planet already?” Jim asked, a bit surprised. 

“We will leave tomorrow morning.” The Vulcan nodded. “It’s good to see you, Jim.” 

The other nodded, looking away as if ashamed. “Same here… Come on in,” he said leaving the door open. “You needed something?”

“I just wanted to pay a visit before leaving.” 

“You do that every time, and every time I tell you that you don’t have to.” 

“Yes. I know.” 

Jim tried to organize the plates in the sink somehow, before facing him again. “And if you’re here to report me the same message from Admiral Marcus again, don’t waste our time, ok?” He said, sounding tired, more than anything else. 

Spock was standing on the other side of the table and didn’t move from there. “I won’t.” 

“Good… Thanks. We done? Not to be rude, but I have a reunion in thirty minutes, so…” 

“How are you, Jim?” 

Jim sighed but could see the Vulcan struggling more than usual to keep his cool, and he felt guilty, despite everything. “Like I was three days ago, when you asked me the same thing.” He said with a shrug. Spock has been the only one constantly visiting him but never talking about him coming back on the Enterprise as their Captain. “What about you? You… You’re ready to go?” Jim owed him that much. 

Spock nodded once. “Yes. Mr. Scott just informed us that the ship is ready as well.” 

“ _Us?_ ” 

“Me and Uhura. We both met him at the Museum.” He explained and saw something flashing on Jim’s face for a splint of a second before his eyes moved away. 

“How is she? I haven’t seen her for a while.” 

“She’s fine… She is waiting outside.” 

“What? Why?” Jim frowned, moving around the kitchen table to reach the door. 

Spock gently raised a hand to stop him. “She is not alone.” 

Jim looked puzzled but didn’t move. “Scotty's here too? You all aren’t planning to kidnap me or something, right?” he laughed a bit. 

“No, but there is someone that would like to talk to you. We met him on our way here.” 

“Who is it?” Jim wasn’t sure what was happening, but one thing he knew for sure was that watching Spock being nervous, always made _him_ nervous as well. “You’re kind of worrying me right now, Spock.” He tried to laugh it off, but that didn't help. 

“I want you to know that if you don’t want for this meeting to happen, you are free to refuse.” 

“You just said someone needs to talk to me...” 

“I can gather the information from him and report to you afterward.” 

Jim sighed, smiling patiently. “Are you serious right now? Come on, just- Uhura, come on in. Your friend too.” He yelled at the door that opened after a moment, and Jim’s little smile quickly faded. 

Nyota moved inside with a young man that stopped in the doorstep: all of them recognize him as Lyan, one of the kids of Rime-73, Furiel’ son, now fourteen years old, covered in a long, brown cape reminding Rime’s fashion. He looked at all of them before giving the slightest nod at Jim. 

“He arrived two days ago,” Uhura said after the silence stretched for too long. “It took him a while to find us…” 

Spock kept quiet, worried about how fast his friend’s face turned so cold. 

“Why he’s here?” Jim asked. “Why are you here?” he repeated, staring at the kid directly. 

“I- I just wanted to talk to you...” Lyan’s voice was so weak it was barely audible. 

“Well, I don’t. Get out.” 

“Captain, I-“ 

“ **I’m not the Captain. He is.** ” Jim growled gesturing at Spock, making the kid flinch back. “If you want to talk to someone, then talk to him. Out of my house.” 

“Jim-“ 

“No.” He stopped Spock before he could continue. “No. You were right. I don’t want to hear any of this. Take him away.” 

“I need to talk with you in person,” Lyan weakly insisted. “Please, it will take just a moment.” 

“You didn’t hear me? The answer is no.” 

“But I-“ 

“You take him outside, or I will.” Jim hissed at Spock that just stared at him for a tense moment before nodding, leaving the apartment with the others. 

Jim waited until they were all gone before letting a shattered breath out. Shutting his eyes, he sat on the couch and grasped his hair with both hands, waiting for the anger to go back into whatever place he managed to hide it for the last three years. 

Looking up again, he found Lyan a few feet away from him. “I told you-!“ 

“I know that you hate me, but this is important!” He interrupted. “I wouldn’t have come this far if it wasn’t!” 

Jim just stared at him, noticing Lyan's hands shaking a bit. Sending a quick look at the door, he saw Uhura there, ready to take him away, but her eyes… She looked so sad, and that alone hurt Jim even more. Taking a deep breath, he then looked at the kid again. “What you want?” he asked, and Uhura silently left, leaving the door ajar.

“Marie sent me. She can’t leave the Temple…” Lyan slowly said, trying to calm down and find the right words. “She told me to find you and tell you that the time has come,” he continued. “I- I don’t know what that means, but she wanted me to tell you this, and- and that she would like to speak with you one last time, in person.” When Jim kept staring in silence, Lyan quickly added, “Not now. Not if you don’t want to. She said whenever you’ll feel ready to.” 

Jim knew what that meant. He suddenly remembered the feeling of the Enterprise free falling through the atmosphere like a rock thrown into the water… He was feeling the same way now. 

Lyan breathed out, his voice lowering a bit. “I know this is not the right place, nor the right time, but… Me, as my friends back on Rime, we- none of us never got the chance to thank you, or Doctor McCoy. We didn't know at that time... I- we all wanted to say how sorry we are for what happened.” 

“If you’re done, leave.” Jim cut short, looking down. “All of you. Just leave.” 

Lyan bowed his head and left the apartment, closing the door behind him. 

Jim kept staring at the floor, and then just hide the face into his hands, crushed under all the pain he tried so hard to keep away for three years. 

 

Spock and Uhura stayed with Lyan for the rest of the day and offered him a place to stay for the night in the Academy: he politely accepted but refused to talk about Jim or the reason why he traveled to Earth. 

“You should go to see Jim,” Uhura said once they were outside the building where Lyan would have stayed. 

“He expressed his wish to stay alone very clearly.” 

“I know, but I think you should go anyway.” 

Spock was aware that he could find answers only from Jim himself but still, he wasn’t completely sure. “Maybe you’re right…” 

She smiled a bit and nodded, slowly walking away. Spock considered the options for another moment before heading back to Jim’s apartment. They were going to leave the morning after… He wanted to be sure everything was alright. On some extent, at least. 

Once in front of the door, he knocked twice, finding the door open. Frowning, he peeked inside. “Jim?” he called. The air was cold in the living room because of the balcony’s door left open; there were few bottles on the floor, most of them empty. 

Spock didn’t get an answer, so he entered and closed the door behind him, scanning the area one last time before walking outside, on the balcony- and there was James Kirk, sitting on the floor, crossed legs, back against the wall. “Jim? Are you-“ he crouched in front of him and felt his heart clenching painfully watching the heartbreaking expression on his face while staring down; he looked ready to cry, but no tears fell. “Jim, are you alright?” 

The other huffed a sad, barely audible laugh. “No, Spock. I’m not.” He murmured without looking up, voice low, and then asked, “Did he left? Lyan?” 

“He will depart tomorrow, early in the morning.” 

“Good…” 

Spock thought for a second, and then asked, “Can you tell me what happened? What did he want from you?” 

“From me? Nothing. He just needed to make a report...” 

"A report?" The other repeated, puzzled.

Jim breathed out, keeping his eyes down. “There’s something I didn’t tell you, Spock... I didn’t tell anyone. It was after I- after I came back from the other dimension, three years ago…” 

Spock stayed quiet, giving him all the time he needed to find the right words. 

“I talked to Marie the night before leaving Rime- or it was the God, I don’t know… She told me she would have protected Leonard until the end… And she promised to let me know when her help wouldn't have been necessary anymore.” 

It took Spock a second to understand. “That’s why…?” 

“That’s why.” Jim nodded, a bitter smile appearing on his face. “Lyan doesn’t know that he came all the way here to tell me that Leonard is dead. Again.”

Spock took a deep breath as well, trying to deal with emotions he still wasn’t used to. 

“I don’t even know why I wanted to know,” Jim murmured. “I mean, I asked for it. I asked her to let me know, but… When I left him- I couldn’t just-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Jim.” 

“Yes, I have to, because I knew it would have hurt. I knew that it would have destroyed me, but I wanted to know anyway” he replied, angrily. 

“Jim-“ 

“I hoped I would feel like it’s fucking over, but I don’t. It’s just like a failed him again.” 

“Leonard’s death is not on you.” 

“Yes, it was. It is.” The other almost growled.

The Vulcan held his gaze with one as much as serious. He knew James Kirk, and it was not a surprise how the guilt was still eating the man alive. “You know as well as me what happened in that temple three years ago. You know what Leonard did and why,” he said, not angrily, but as a matter of a fact, almost confused by how Jim seemed unable to see the truth for what it was, despite how painful it could be, “And we all know what you did for him-“ 

“I didn’t bring him back.” 

“We knew that was impossible.” 

“Everyone told me that already. So many times…” Jim commented tiredly, shaking his head. 

“Because it’s the truth, and you know that. You know that there was nothing we could-“ 

“I know that there was a way to save him, I'm sure there was one, but I wasn’t able to find it.” He interrupted him. “I was the Captain. Keeping him alive was my responsibility and I failed on him- twice, and he died knowing that.” 

Spock’s eyes flashed of anger and he grabbed him by a shoulder hard enough to hurt. “You are allowed to think whatever you want about yourself, even lies, if that is what you need, but Leonard deserves more credit than you are giving him now.”

Jim grabbed his arm to get free, but didn’t manage to move it one bit, and just stared back at him with watery eyes. 

“If there's something I know about Doctor McCoy, is that he was completely loyal to you, both as a friend and as a member of our crew, and you repaid that loyalty risking your life trying to save him, knowing that the chances to bring him back were close to none.” 

“He wasn’t-“ 

“He was your friend. Our friend. We would have done anything to have him back, and I can assure you that he knew _that_. He knew that you wouldn’t have given up on him, and that is exactly what you did.” Spock continued. He could still remember the last look Leonard gave him before falling into the Abyss: there was no hate, nor anger into his eyes, but pride, and sadness, but also something close to gratitude.  
The memory was always painful to revisit, but Spock would have treasured it for the rest of his life. 

Jim stopped trying to get free, just holding onto his arm instead. “All I can think of is that he’ll never forgive me. Not this time…” He tried to say something else, but then just lowered his head. 

Spock’s expression softened and he moved closer enough to surround him with his other arm as well, slowly sharing his pain, hoping Jim could find a way to free himself from such a burden.

. - .

It wasn’t the dawn yet, but Lyan was already sitting inside the little shuttle his father allowed him to use to reach the Earth. Rime was less than three weeks away, but the capsule in the back would have made it feel like a moment.

He didn’t say goodbye to anyone- didn’t feel the need to, having already thanked Spock for letting him spend the night in the Academy. 

Everything was set and, after taking a deep breath, he left the console and moved to close the door: staring at the unknown planet just outside, he wished he could visit the Earth a bit more… Try to know better the place where Leonard McCoy used to live.

Remembering of Captain Kirk’s anger made him feel ashamed of such wish, and he quickly looked down, locking the door and moving to check the capsule where he was going to sleep during the journey back home. He then returned to the console, pressing a few buttons, and then the engine started humming. 

It was then that he heard knocking on the shuttle. Confused, and a bit scared, he turned around, to the entrance. Wondering if Spock followed him, he let the door slid open but no one entered. Standing once again and peeking outside, his heart skipped a bit finding James Kirk standing there, a little bag in hand. “Captain Kirk...?" 

“Stop calling me Captain.” He said again, and the other just kept quiet. “So you’re leaving?” 

Lyan nodded. “I have bothered you and Mr. Spock more than enough.” 

Jim said nothing, staring at the shuttle. “Is this thing safe?” 

“Uh… yes. I was going to-“ 

“You’re the pilot?” 

“No. No, I… The autopilot is set to take me back to Rime. I’m still learning…” 

Jim studied him for a moment, and then asked, “Can I come along?” 

Lyan’s mouth opened in surprise, but nothing came out. 

“I’ll find another way if you don’t want me to.” 

“No- I mean, yes, of course you can join me. I- I’m just surprised. Sorry.” Lyan moved aside, allowing him to enter the vehicle. He watched him looking around, studying the place before dropping the bag close to the row of seats. 

Jim took a deep breath and looked at him. “You said Marie wants to talk to me.” 

Lyan swallowed quickly to find back his voice. “Yes. That’s what she said.” 

“Then we can go when you’re ready.” 

Lyan wanted to say something, but the other was already sitting down, looking outside the little window. Trying to calm down, he nodded to himself and moved back to the console, checking everything three times before confirming the coordination to Rime-73: the shuttle started moving and slowly left the dock. Once they left Earth’s orbit, Lyan breathed out and turned around, finding Jim nervously tapping his fingers on his leg, staring outside. “Captain?” 

“I’m not-“ Jim started, but then just sighed and looked at him. “What?” 

“It’s going to take a while to reach Rime. You can use the capsule, if you want... To rest until we’ll be there.” 

“It’s not gonna take that long.” 

Lyan blinked, considering his words with genuine curiosity. “You can stay awake for two weeks and five days?” 

Jim looked more confused than him, but then his face relaxed and he shook his head. “Right… We’re going at normal speed.” He murmured standing up and moving to check the capsule on the back. There was only one. “What about you?” he asked before he could stop himself. It came out as a reflex, and he hated it. 

“I don’t really need it.” Lyan minimalized, but the other looked not convinced. “My people don’t need to sleep a lot. I can use the seats.” He added, gesturing at them. “I’ll wake you up before landing.” 

Jim considered it, and then breathed out and nodded, carefully laying down into the capsule. 

Lyan slowly approached and started pushing a few buttons until Jim’s vitals appeared on the little screen- and he noticed how fast his heartbeat was. “The capsule is safe, so you can try to relax.” He said with a timid smile. 

“Just put me to sleep,” Jim said. He just wanted to close his eyes and be out before changing his mind- or having a panic attack. 

Lyan didn’t move. “Are you sure you want to come with me? I can still take you back.” 

Jim almost said yes. Leaving that shuttle and go back home would have been so easy… “I'm sure. Now close this thing and try to not to crash against something, alright?” 

The kid nodded, pressing one last button, and a thin barrier closed the front of the capsule. He kept checking Jim’s vitals until he saw the Captain closing his eyes and falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How this fic turned from a quick one-shot of pain, into a "how much pain can I give to James Kirk?" fic is beyond my knowledge...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *add Lord of the Ring's -it's over, it's finally over- meme here*

Jim dreams nothing- he wasn't even sure to be actually asleep. His mind kept thinking about what he was doing: following Lyan back to Rime after three years… Was it the right thing to do? It would make things worse or better? What else Marie could possibly want from him? She wanted to tell him what happened to Leonard after he left? Maybe explain how their meeting ruined the doctor’s life even there, in a different dimension? 

_What if meeting me drove him insane? What if the police arrested him? What if…_

“Captain?” 

Jim woke up slowly, blinking a few times before noticing Lyan standing next to the capsule where he was lying. “I’m not…” he started, but then coughed a bit and simply give up on correcting him. “Where…?”

“We’ll land on Rime in fifteen minutes.” 

Jim swallowed down and nodded before trying to sit up. 

Lyan raised an arm to help him but quickly drop it. He intently studied the man before saying, “You should drink something. There’s some food too…”

“I’m fine.” Jim said, feeling like he slept for a year.

“I know humans need water.” The other insisted, coming back offering a bottle of water, hold his cold glare as better as he could. “Please.” 

Jim wanted to be stubborn and refuse, but then just accept it, taking a sip. And then three more, until the bottle was almost empty. He saw Lyan smiling a bit before nodding and moving back to the pilot cabin. “What you said before, in my house…” Jim started, and the kid stopped, turning around. “I don’t- I don’t hate you…” _I just hate what happened because of you and your people_ , was the rest of the sentence he didn’t say out loud.

“But you think I am responsible for what happened. Me and my people.” Lyan said as if reading his mind. “I understand. I didn’t know everything back then, but I do now. I don’t blame you for hating us.” He added, watching him look down in silence. “Can I ask you something?” 

The other sighed. “Depends on what is it.” 

“I thought you would have never come back to Rime… What makes you change your mind?” 

Jim was still asking himself the same thing. “This is all I have left,” he slowly said in the end, “If there’s nothing more than guilt, I’ll take it.” 

“Guilt?” Lyan narrowed his eyebrows, and then looked surprised, “Do you think-?” 

The ship jumped slightly, and they shared a look before Lyan quickly sat back in front of the console. 

Jim moved down the cabin and carefully walked closer, standing behind him. “What was that?”

“It’s just the autopilot preparing for the landing,” he explained, sounding kind of relieved. “Captain, why did you said _guilt_?” he then asked looking at him, but Jim wasn’t listening, a hard look now on his face as he stared at Rime-73 visible outside, in front of them. 

 

The little shuttle landed safely outside the city of Rime. Furiel was waiting there, a relieved smile on his face as the door slide open and his son came out. “Lyan.” He greeted the kid before they hugged. “I’m glad you have made a safe return…” Furiel then noticed someone else descending the short staircase and his eyes widened. “Captain Kirk!” 

“Not Captain.” He tiredly said once again, stopping few feet away from them. 

“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t know... I wasn’t expecting your visit-“ Furiel flinched as his son poked on his side with an elbow, “It is a welcomed surprise, of course. If I’d known, I would prepare a- a celebration…” 

“A celebration?” Both Jim and Lyan repeated, confused. 

“I mean, we still can. I’ll make sure the others-“ 

“I’m not here to celebrate anything.” Jim cut short. “Marie asked to see me. I’ll leave as soon as I’m done talking with her.”

“I- I see…” Furiel nodded. 

“I already told him we will give him the shuttle to go back,” Lyan said, even if they actually didn’t speak about it. “That won’t be a problem, right?”

“Of course not. If the Enterprise isn’t available-” 

“It’s not. I’m here alone. As a civilian.” Jim interrupted but, watching them staring, added, “Coming here with your son wasn't planned.”

Furiel nodded again, exchanging a look with Lyan that just looked back with a hopeful, little smile. “There is no problem. You can stay all the time you need. If there’s something we can do…” 

“I’ll take him to Marie,” Lyan interjected, looking at Jim, awkwardly standing there in silence. “This way.” 

Jim nodded once at Furiel before following the young man. They walked a street passing all around the city- luckyly, because the last thing Jim wanted was all Rime knowing he was there. 

"Sorry if my father sounds a bit weird," Lyan said without stopping. "He still feels in great debt with you and your crew." 

_He sure is_ , Jim wanted to say. "Guilt usually makes you act like a better person with everyone." He commented instead, "Or it makes you hate everyone."

Lyan slowed down, thinking, and then asked, "It happened to you as well?"

"Me?" 

"You said you feel guilty about something, before, on the ship." He said, turning to look at him. 

"I don't remember." 

Lyan saw him keeping his eyes on the road, that hard expression back on his face, and he didn't insist, proceeding to lead the way.

After a long moment of silence, Jim realized they were meeting the street heading up the mountain and he stopped. “Are we going to the temple?” 

“Yes.” Lyan turned around, hesitant, but then nodded in understanding. “As I said, Marie can’t leave the Temple. She lives there.”

“Since when?” 

“Since you and the others left, three years ago.” 

Jim tried to remember, but the last memory he had of Marie was her appearing in his dreams. “I thought she was…” 

“Dead?” Lyan finished for him. “I don’t know exactly what happened to her either… She’s like- like a ghost, I think. Only a few of us can see her, and only inside the Temple. Or close to it.” 

“It’s because-?” Jim wanted to ask, but then just shook his head. “Nevermind.” 

“Because she helped the God.” The other nodded, “She didn't tell anyone, but that’s what I think... She knew it was dangerous. For both of you.” Lyan saw him staying silent, so he added, “You still want to go?” 

Jim considered turning around and running away from the planet, but his feet didn’t move. “Yeah.” He said and Lyan nodded, leading the way. Not sure how, Jim followed. 

 

The road to the Temple hasn’t changed much, aside from a low, wooden fence built on the sides and few lamps hanging here and there on the path; there were no noises, and the wind was gentle in the late afternoon. 

Jim kept taking deep breaths, walking with his eyes down on the ground, not knowing what to expect. When he decided to look up, he saw the Temple’s roof through the treetops and started to feel a painful pressure on his chest as more memories came back to mind. 

The ground around the Temple wasn’t arid anymore: thin grass has grown, along with strange, blue little flowers; the same wooden fences have been built around the whole area, protecting the Temple of Rime where the golden doors were sealed, clean and shiny. 

Lyan was climbing the large, low stairs to the entrance when he looked back and stopped, watching Jim sitting against the fence, eyes closed, taking deep, fast breaths. Walking back to him, he asked, “Are you alright?” but Jim just nodded. He kept staring, not convinced, “Here.” 

Looking up, Jim found him handing a bottle of water. “Are you hiding these under your tunic?” 

“No. You forgot this on the ship. I just take it with me. You need it.” 

Jim sighed, but took it, drinking a bit more. Watching the kid scanning the area, he asked, “Are you the guardian of this place now?” 

Lyan looked back at him, confused. “Guardian?” 

“I mean, Marie asked you to protect the Temple? Or the God did?” 

“Not really… I’m one of the few that can enter this place, but I don’t think I am a guardian.” 

“Only a few can enter?” Jim asked, “What about your father? The rest of the Council?” 

“None of them can enter the Temple,” He said, shaking his head. “Marie said the God wanted the Council dismissed… And that only the next generation will be granted permission to enter the Temple again.” 

Jim couldn’t hide his surprise. “The next generation…” 

“She said that starting from me, my family will have to take care of the Temple… I'm not sure what that means…” 

“It sounds like you have been chosen as a guardian, after all.”

“I- I don’t know…” he then saw him smiling a bit. “Why are you smiling?” 

“It’s just funny how the God ditched on all the past generation that spent their lives adoring it so much.” 

“They adored a lie. What the Council has done... I thought the God would have never forgiven us.” 

Jim studied him, and suddenly remembered Lyan was the first one that approached him after his return from the Abyss. He was so angry that day, so desperate… Still, the kid apparently didn't see any of that, back then.

They both heard a deep _clang_ and saw the golden doors opening. 

Lyan looked back at him, “She’s waiting for you.” 

“Marie? You can see her?” 

“Yes, she's there, just past the doors.” He said smiling timidly at Marie that returned the smile and nodded at him as a salute. 

Jim followed his gaze, but couldn’t see anyone. “How can I talk to her if I can’t even see her?”

“I’m sure she’ll find a way. She’s stronger inside the Temple.” Lyan said. “Go when you’re ready. I’ll wait here.” He added, giving him an encouraging smile before walking away, into the clearing.

Jim swallowed down the tension and stood up, slowly heading to the entrance. It was weird how he could remember everything that happened three years before, from their landing on the planet, the coldness they received from the people, to the first discussion with Leonard and how he immediately felt the same distrust towards Rime… And then Leonard again, helping those kids, visiting the caves under the Temple- the catacombs, discovering all the atrocities hidden down there… 

Jim could remember pretty much everything, including the fight inside the Temple, but not the last moment he spent with Leonard. He was screaming at the doctor to hold his hand and then- then he was doing all he could to be sent to another dimension, to help and protect a different Leonard, basically a stranger to him. 

The last few minutes he spent holding Leonard’s hand… Was he angry? Was he crying? He tried to remember that moment so many times during the last three years, but it was as if trying to read a blank page.  
Maybe Spock could have helped him, but Jim never found the courage to ask. 

Once in front of the entrance, Jim stopped, looking inside from there: he noticed the altar over the Abyss was completely gone, and there were candles all around the dwell that was also the only source of light in there, a soft, orange glow coming from the inside of it; the place was completely silent. 

“Captain.” A calm voice greeted him. 

Jim looked to the right and found Marie standing there, but her eyes were white, and her voice was mixing with others. 

“I know it must be hard for you being here again, after so long,” she continued when he didn't say anything. “Thank you for accepting my invite.” 

“Why I’m not talking to Marie?” Jim asked. “I thought a God would be busy somewhere else.” 

The God just stared back, saying, “My place is here. Especially now.”

It took Jim a moment to understand. “She’s gone? Marie is…?” 

She nodded once. “Few days ago. Marie helped me for so long… She was in pain. I had to let her go.” 

“Then why you still look like her?” 

“This is… A selfish decision on my part, I fear.” She said, noticing his confusion. “I can’t show my real appearance into this world, so I decided to use hers. To allow her to be remembered from her people.” 

Jim scoffed. “Did you ask her permission, at least?” 

“I didn’t... I didn’t really know what to do after she was gone…” 

“When in doubt, just steal someone's face.” He commented coldly.

“I have no intention to keep it secret from the others,” She said. “I have never considered something like this being so important…” 

“ _Something like this_?” 

“Remembering someone after it’s gone.” The God nodded. “I learned that from Marie. And from you.” 

Jim looked away, inside the Temple, and saw her appearing there. “Why can’t we talk outside?” 

“I’m still too weak to leave the Temple. I am sorry. It won’t take too long.” 

The last thing Jim wanted was to be inside that place again, but he slowly complied. Stepping in the semi-dark, large room, he sent a quick look behind, where the doors stayed open. 

“I understand that you don’t feel safe here,” the God said, standing a few feet away, “but I mean no harm.” 

“I’m not scared of you. I just don’t want to be here. Why did you call for me? Sending Lyan right in front of my door to pass me your message wasn’t enough?” 

“I thought it would be fair to tell you what happened to Leonard.” 

Jim felt his heart crack, and rage flowing out. “Well, I don’t. I don’t want to know what happened to him! I don’t want to know how he-“ Jim stopped there, with the strong desire to throw the God in the Abyss by himself. “Why you want to tell me? Is he- did I ruined his life again? Meeting him that night ruined everything?” 

“It didn’t.” 

“Then what else do you want me to know?” Jim felt his eyes getting watery. He deserved this- he kept waiting for this day, after all, but now that it was the time, he realized he wasn’t ready- and that he was scared.

Marie stared at him as if trying to understand something. “I wanted to tell you that I fulfilled my promise, and successfully make sure that Leonard had a happy, serene life. He and his family both.” 

Jim kept waiting for the backlash. “But?” 

“I don't understand what you mean…?” she said, confused. 

“So you’re saying that our meeting didn’t change anything? He was... I saw he was remembering something about his past- about his life here, with us. That didn’t get him into trouble?” he insisted, taken aback when she smiled a bit. 

“Leonard McCoy sure is a stubborn man, but meeting you that night didn’t ruin his life.” The God confirmed. “He kept thinking about that night. He searched for you for a while, but, eventually, he continued to live his life. I made sure he would, when his curiosity was becoming too dangerous.” 

Jim swallowed down, trying to make his voice work. “You make him forget about me?” 

“No. I just tried to keep him on the right path, helping him focus on his new life… Still, somehow you make it through.” 

“What?” Jim saw that coming, but couldn’t avoid raising his voice a little. “What do you mean?” 

“This is the reason why I wanted to see you. To tell you about my decision in person.” 

“What decision?” Jim shot back, conflicted between being scared or angry. “What have you done?” 

Marie held his gaze and said, “Despite what happened to him, the memories of his past life here, of this reality, were still into his heart, so I helped Leonard having them back.” 

Jim could feel his heart stop for a moment. “You _what_?” 

“Captain, he was-“ 

“You said he would've never remembered anything about us!” He yelled, “You told me that those memories were gone forever!” 

“That is what it was supposed to happen, but, as Marie told you when you came back, feelings are difficult to control, even for me.” She explained. “It may look like not much time has passed for you, but it took years- decades for Leonard's memories to fix themselves, and for me to notice them.” 

“Then why you didn’t just leave them there? Why make him remember- why let him know that he was living a lie because I didn’t save him?!” 

“I couldn’t-“ 

Jim stopped listening as he gradually realized he couldn’t breathe. Taking air in, but not being able to let it out, he fell on his knees, hands grasping the floor as the panic closed around him like a bubble, making him deaf and blind to everything else outside of it. 

It took way too long to calm down, and the help of a God: when Jim started to cough and breath out again, Marie was kneeling in front of him, keeping a hand over his heart. Jim tried to push her away, but his arm just swiped through her form.

There was a serious expression on Marie’s face, while her hand started to shine slightly against his chest. When she looked up, she sighed and slowly moved back, sitting in front of him. “I gave Leonard his memories back during his last moments,” she explained, voice low and calm, “It was night. There was no one with him in the room. I knew that his journey was close to the end, and he thought about you. About _the mysterious man that dragged him into a crazy night in San Francisco_.” 

Still breathing fast, Jim felt his heart clench, because that sounded like something Bones would have said. 

“I've watched over him during his whole life, wondering if he would have ever been able to forget about you, but he never did. You were always there, in the back of his mind.” 

“So it’s my fault that he remembered,” Jim murmured. “Because of me, he couldn’t even-” 

“It’s because of those memories that he found peace, James.” The God said. “Maybe it was the wrong decision, but I couldn’t let him go with such a struggle into his heart. I tried- Marie told me to try, so I did, and the memories were there, all of them, like the Leonard you know was never gone.” 

“But you said-“ 

“He should have been a completely different person, yes, but something of the man he was survived. You saw it too, that night.” She said with a sad smile. “You asked me to keep him safe, and that is what I did. I have waited until the very end before giving him back his memories because only then I realized how strong Leonard’s will was. At the end of everything, he _wanted_ to remember.” 

Jim forced the tears back because he knew what was coming next. “He remembered that I let him die?” 

“He remembered that you were ready to stay and die with him, and that you risked your life just to see him one last time and be sure he was safe.” 

“He’s-“ Jim didn’t want to ask the next question, but he needed to: “He was angry that I left?” 

Marie just stared at him, and then gently placed both hands on each side of his head, eyes shining a bit stronger. 

Jim didn’t dare to move, but his eyes went wide open as he felt- there wasn’t a way to describe it, but it was _Bones_ : his laughs, his grumpy look, him talking or reading into his office- Jim felt everything that was his friend… And then there was a sense of sadness, of melancholy, but also a warm feeling of affection that made his breath stop for a few seconds. 

“This is what he felt before fading away,” Marie said, looking almost surprised herself as tears roll down her face. “His last word was _Jim_. His last thought was for you, and he was smiling.” 

_“… Leonard deserves more credit than you are giving him.”_

Jim blinked as she lowered her arms, still feeling as if Bones has just patted his back before leaving. None of them said anything, but watching a God crying, Jim decided that maybe, _maybe_ he was allowed do the same, and let out all the sadness and guilt he dragged over his shoulders for the last three years. 

 

It was late at night when Lyan carefully peeked inside the Temple, finding Jim laying on the floor in front of the circle of candles surrounding the Abyss. “Captain?” he called, slowly approaching, but the man didn’t move. “I saw Marie. She said…” he stopped, as the other was still unmoving, eyes closed. Lyan dropped and his knees and quickly grabbed his shoulder- making him wake up with a gasp. The young man breathed out in relief. “Are you alright?” 

“Huh-? Ah- yes. Sorry, I… I must have fallen asleep,” Jim said, quickly sitting up, passing both hands over his face. “It has been a long day.” 

Lyan nodded, ignoring the fact that Jim’s eyes looked red and puffy of tears. “Here, take this.” He added, once again offering the well-known bottle of water. 

“I’m not-“ 

“It has been almost five hours. You need to drink something.” 

“Five hours?” Jim echoed, surprised. Looking at the kid, he noticed only then how that stubborn glare was similar to Leonard's. Taking a deep breath, he accepted the bottle, “Thanks.” 

“I brought some food from the town, as well. I left it outside.” Lyan added solemnly, making the other smile a bit. “You look... Different.” 

“I do?” 

“Yes. It’s like… Like the dark aura around you is gone.” 

“ _Dark aura_ , huh...” he repeated before drinking half of the bottle. “Marie told you to come here?” 

“Yes. Well, the God did. She told me she’s using Marie appearance, but- Marie is gone.” 

Jim nodded slowly. “I’m sorry.” 

“I knew there was something she wasn’t telling me. Before leaving to Earth, Marie looked like she was saying goodbye to me… For good.” He murmured, looking down. 

“I think she was waiting for Leonard to be gone as well. She keeps her promise to watch over him until the end.” 

“You mean...?” Lyan started, but Jim’s expression was enough as an answer. “That’s why the God wanted to see you?” 

“I wasn’t able to say goodbye to him, so… She did it for me.” 

“But that’s not the same thing.” 

“You're right. It’s not the same thing at all.” Jim turned to him and tried to smile a bit, but Lyan’s eyes were watery already, “And it hurts like hell, but… Sadly, sometimes we don’t get to decide.” 

They stared at each other for a moment until Lyan looked down. “I wish I could thank him.” 

It took Jim all his strength not to start crying again. “We’re in two, kid…” He hesitantly moved an arm around his shoulders, but it took Lyan a second to move forward and hug him. Jim breathed out and smiled a bit, placing a hand over his head, closing his eyes, lulled by the warmth of the Temple.

. - . 

The darkness of the night was just starting to fade when Furiel reached the Temple, alone. The area was silent, there was no wind in the cold morning, and no lights from the lamps.

Almost on top of the hill, he suddenly froze, finding Marie standing a few feet away, staring at him with a serious expression. Furiel hasn't seen her since the Council still existed and, from her eyes shining white, he knew he lost the chance to ask her forgiveness. “There is a lot of people I will never be able to apologize to… There is no way to change that, is there?” he murmured, but the God simply kept staring. 

“Furiel.” 

He looked aside, to the Temple, and notice James Kirk sitting on the stairs. Turning back, Marie was already gone. He took a deep breath and reached him. “I know shouldn’t be here, but Lyan didn’t come back home tonight. I was worried.” 

“He’s sleeping inside,” Jim said, tilting his head towards the Temple. “He stayed here until my meeting was over, and then he was too tired to walk back. We both were.” 

Furiel nodded slightly, but visibly relieved. He climbed the stairs and stood next to him, but watching inside. 

“I know you're not allowed, but I think you can enter to pick your son up..." 

“He is safer in here than outside,” Furiel said. Looking down, he noticed him staring. “Now, at least, I know that is true.” 

“Better late than never,” Jim said, sounding more sarcastic that he wanted. “Sorry. I-“ 

“If there is one thing I don’t want you to do, is apologize to me, Captain.” He calmly interrupted. “Especially not in this place.” 

They stared at each other for a moment until Jim nodded and gestured slightly for him to sit down. “I’m not a Captain, by the way.” 

“Can I ask if that is because-“ 

“It is.” He cut short.

Sitting next to him, Furiel could better see how tired the younger human looked. "I hope the God provided you some good news as well." 

“You already knew that that is not Marie anymore?” 

“I had my doubts,” he nodded, “and they find confirmation after Lyan left the planet.” 

Jim took a deep breath, turning the water bottle into his hands. “Let’s say I’ve got news that are good and bad at the same time…” he said and saw him looking uncertain. “Not the news I was hoping for, but not the ones I was afraid of either.” He explained with a little grin. 

Furiel kept studying him, nodding slightly. “I know I’m the last person that should say this, but I’m glad that your heart is lighter now, Captain.” 

“Seems like everyone can see that...” he murmured, looking down. 

“It is not something to be ashamed of.” 

“Yeah, well… Easier said than done.” Jim sighed, and then took a deep breath, changing the subject. “Lyan told me the Council doesn’t exist anymore?” 

“It was dismantled few days after you and your crew left,” Furiel nodded. “Lyan referred to us what the God wanted, and we obeyed. Things won’t be the same anymore... Rime won’t be the same anymore.” 

“Isn’t that good?”

"I... I hope so." Furiel said, taking a deep breath. “We all grow up listening and doing what our fathers ordered us to… Now, my own son demanded a shuttle to reach another planet to be able to talk to you,” he looked at the human with a light smile that surprised the blonde, “and that he would have done that with or without my blessing.” 

Jim scoffed. “That’s a pretty common thing on Earth, you know?” 

Furiel breathed out, looking at the woods in front of them. “I think he has learned more valuable lessons from you in a few days than from his own people during his life. I’m sure he will be a wise guide for the future of Rime.” 

“If he wants to be.” 

Furiel blinked and stared at him with a serious expression that slowly softened into a light smile. “If he wants to be.” He nodded. “I’ll take my leave now. Please, feel free to stop by the city before leaving, if you need anything.” 

“I’ll consider it,” Jim said and watched him walking away. Then, he turned around a bit, “You can come out, now.” 

Lyan carefully peeked outside the Temple, looking around before reaching him. “You heard me?” 

“I was way better at sneaking around at your age…” Jim commented and saw him staring in the distance, where his father just disappeared. “I was wrong about him, you know?” He said, and the kid looked down at him, “He cares about you.” 

Lyan blushed a bit, sitting next to him. “You think he would let me leave Rime if I want to?” 

“Pretty sure he would. Why? Got some strange idea?” 

“I… There’s something I wanted to ask you…” 

“Ask away.” 

“You think I… Do you think Starfleet would accept someone like me?” 

Jim almost choked with the water left in the bottle. 

“I know, it’s- sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” 

“You-“ Jim coughed more few times, “You want to join Starfleet?” 

“Not if I’m not allowed to… I mean, Mr. Spock showed me the Academy a bit and it was amazing. There are so many books and things I can learn, and-“ he noticed him staring and he quickly stopped, looking down again. “Sorry.” 

“There are very strict rules to join Starfleet. The exams are tough. Especially the simulations...” Jim explained, his voice serious, “but I’m sure you would do great.” 

Lyan’s head jumped up, a smile of pure wonder on his face. “So they would accept me?” 

“Well, there are few tests to take, but you're free to give it a try.” 

“I will! I mean, I want to!” 

Jim haven’t seen someone so happy in a long time, and he could only smile back. “You already choose a specialty?” 

“Being a pilot looks fun,” he said, and his face slowly became more serious as he held his gaze, “but I’m already studying to become a doctor, here, in my school...” 

Jim felt a stab into the heart, but the pain didn’t last as long as he was expecting. 

“You think Doctor McCoy would be offended?” Lyan asked, worried.

Jim took a deep breath before answering- because he really needed it. “I think he would ask you _why not be both?_ ” 

Lyan blinked in surprise, then started considering the idea. “It would be possible…?” He asked, as if it was something illegal, and this time Jim couldn’t contain a laugh.

. - . 

Jim spent the rest of the day by the Temple, thinking and sleeping more that he thought it would be possible, considering the time and place. Still, his mind was clearer and his heart lighter than it has ever been in the last three years.

Lyan and few other people brought him food and water from the city, and despite Jim told him it wasn't necessary, they came back in the afternoon and then in the evening to leave more supplies. 

It was night when, sitting against the wall, staring at the stars shining in the sky, Jim noticed Lyan arriving once again with someone. Standing, he couldn’t hide the surprise. “Spock?” 

The Vulcan nodded in salute, staying at the bottom of the stairs. “Is good to see you, Jim.” 

“What are you doing here?” 

“We were told where to find you.” 

“You were told from _who_?” 

“Uhm- me,” Lyan said, a bit ashamed. “I thought…” he stopped as the Vulcan gently placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s alright. Can I ask you a moment alone with the Captain?” 

Lyan nodded, sending an apologetic nod at Jim before walking away. 

Jim sighed watching him leaving, “He’s a smart kid…” 

“I agree,” Spock said climbing the stairs, standing next to him, staring inside the Temple.

“You knew I was going to follow him, don’t you?” Jim asked.

“I wasn’t completely sure.” 

“Just enough to drop the mission to come after me?” 

“I haven’t dropped the mission.” Spock said, “We just postponed it a few days.” 

“We…? You didn’t come alone?” 

“Of course not, as you can see.” 

Jim followed his gaze, eyes going wide as he saw the Enterprise high in the sky, above the woods around the Temple. “Everyone’s here?” 

“Everyone expressed their desire to pay a visit here before proceeding to our destination. Myself included.” 

Jim looked down at him, smiling a little. “I thought Furiel didn’t want spaceship so close to the city…” 

“My thought, exactly, but when I asked him, he happily gave us permission. We are allowed to land as well if required.” 

Jim scoffed, looking up at the Enterprise again. 

Spock studied him for a moment, and then said, “I hope this journey has been helpful?” 

“You saw what I was going through, did you?" the other asked, "That night, in my apartment?” 

“There was no need for me to use my abilities to understand the situation, if that is what you are implying.” 

Jim sighed and looked away, at the field. “I was becoming so used to it… I didn’t realize I was starting to confuse Leonard with someone he has never been.” He took a deep breath, feeling that name heavy on his tongue. “I tried to think what he would say, or what he would want me to do, so many times… I am still trying, but it always feels wrong. And selfish.” 

“From my point of view, there is no reason to considerate it selfish,” Spock said. “You know Leonard better than anyone. Is reasonable for you to deduce his wishes. You just need to do it with a clear mind.” 

“You really think I am the right person that can talk in his place?” 

“If not you, who else?” Spock asked, expression calm, sincere. “Or perhaps, you really think he would want you to torture yourself for the rest of your life?” 

“I just- I don’t want to use our friendship as an excuse to feel less guilty.” 

Spock blinked slowly, thoughtfully. “And using it as an excuse to give up is going to better honor his death?” 

Jim felt those words like a slap in the face, but, turning to him, he only found sadness on the Spock's face. He said nothing and just stared back at him. 

Spock took a deep breath and straightened his back. “I wish I could stay longer, but we have to depart in a few hours. I... I hope you will join us, Jim. Not as a Captain, but- as part of our crew. As a friendly guest, if you’d like.” 

Jim breathed out, looking down. “I’ll think about it... And- thanks,” he said when the other walked down the stairs. “Thanks for coming here.” 

Spock nodded once and then left, stopping further into the clearing, and then transported back on the ship, vanishing in a flash of light. 

 

The Enterprise stayed high in the sky of Rime all night. It was almost the dawn when Sulu took a deep breath and turned around, finding Nyota nervously tapping her fingers on the console in front of her. 

Nyota noticed his gaze and sighed, waiting another moment before turning around and stand up- just when Spock entered the bridge. 

“Any news from Rime?” he asked. 

“No, Captain.” She answered, trying to keep her voice even, but her eyes betrayed how tense she was. 

Spock then looked at Sulu that could only stare back, waiting for orders. “Prepare to leave in fifteen minutes.” He announced and left the bridge before anyone could say anything. 

He thought Jim would have come back- he was sure about it, but… Maybe he was wrong? 

Spock nervously walked all the way to the transporter room, finding it empty. Staring at the bases inside the large cabin, he clenched his fists and moved to the console, preparing for one last trip to Rime. _I have to convince him,_ he told himself, quickly moving into the cabin, _I must have said something wrong. I should have..._

He then noticed one of the other bases shining and someone appearing into the light. A second later, a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the cabin- and he found James Kirk looking puzzled at him. 

“Hey- where are you going?” Jim said with a little, curious smile. “I thought the Enterprise was ready to leave the planet?” 

Spock opened his mouth, closed and tried to compose himself, despite the surprise. “That is correct. We are just preparing to go.” 

“You said that almost five hours ago,” Jim commented letting him go, staring intently at him while a grin grew on his lips. “Were you planning to come back down there and pick me up against my will, Mr. Spock?” 

“That would be a violation of-“ 

“That was your plan, isn't it?” 

“I… I realized that maybe my poor choice of words during our discussion could be the reason for you to not-“ he stopped when Jim dragged him into a hug, so sudden and so tight he coughed a bit. 

Jim patted his back before letting him go, eyes a bit shiny. They both stared at each other for a moment until the door slid open and few members of the crew entered the room, and they all froze on the spot and gasped, letting their documents fall down. 

Spock smiled a bit. “I presume I should inform the crew we have a guest on board.” 

“A guest? What guest?!” Scott’s yells arrived from the corridor, behind the others that were pushed away as he made his way through. “I needed to check those things! No one was allowed to bring any-“ he stopped the second he spotted the two men, and let his bag of tools crash on the floor. 

“I think it works just fine.” Jim smiled, gesturing behind himself before being tackled into Scott’s hug a second later. 

It was a matter of time before half of the crew passed by the transporter room; someone just to say welcome back to Jim, while others, like Uhura and Chekov, spent minutes just hugging him and crying.  
The Enterprise's depart was postponed of another hour before the crew was able to walk back to their places, ready to leave Rime once and for all. 

Jim found out Spock has left his quarter intact and unused, so he spent a moment there to calm himself. He found the yellow suits still in the wardrobe, but he just stared at them for a while before closing it. 

Once we felt the ship moving, not surprised that he could still recognize every vibration and sound, he slowly left the room. Walking down the corridor, he gave little smiles at the crewmembers he encountered- and then, he found himself in front of the sickbay. 

Jim stared at the door for a long moment, a little voice inside his mind still wondering if Leonard would have wanted him to be there. He took a deep breath and straightened his back before looking away, slowly heading to the bridge, one step at the time. 

 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I've never been so close to leaving a fic incomplete. It has been an interesting challenge, despite the pain, and the tears... and more pain and- more tears...  
> Hope you all enjoyed it lol  
> Thanks for reading this suffering until the end.


End file.
